Could the Kids from ‘Stranger Things’ Defeat Pennywise from ‘IT’?

Imagine a world where the producers made the right choice in the movie It and cast the kids from Stranger Things and let it play out. What a world it would be.

What if Pennywise took over the town of Hawkins, Indiana? Would our beloved heroes be able to make it out? Even worse, imagine this is a world where Eleven is still stuck in the Upside Down so it’s up to Mike, Dustin, Lucas, and Will to defeat Pennywise, The Dancing Clown. Do they all survive? Does Pennywise eat them and drag their floating bodies to the sewer? Let’s find out.

First, we have to figure out what each kid’s fear would be, because as you know, Pennywise feeds on children and fear.

— Mike

In the movie, Finn Wolfhard’s character was scared of clowns and it’s not unreasonable that Mike would also be scared of clowns. Let’s go deeper than that, though. What would Pennywise use on our young hero to scare him? Eleven. Mike’s biggest fear would be losing Eleven. And Pennywise could use that to his advantage.

— Dustin

I’m not 100% sure Dustin is afraid of anything, but his character does have a condition that keeps him from having any teeth. That could be a legitimate fear Pennywise uses. Because in season 2, Dustin has dentures, it wouldn’t be crazy to assume he’d be afraid of losing his teeth and then getting stuck in a world where dentures are snapping out him like toy teeth.

— Lucas

This is another character Stranger Things hasn’t exactly assigned fear to. So, what could he fear? For the sake of argument, let’s go with clowns. Lucas is now afraid of clowns and always has been. Lucas is my dude, I hate it had to be him.

— Will

Will is scared of everything. He suffered from anxiety and an overbearing mom long before being stuck in the Upside Down, so Pennywise can actually pick and choose whatever the fuck he wants to get Will.

DO THEY MAKE IT?

Important question: Who gets eaten first?

Answer: Will Byers.

Will loses in every “something strange attacking kids” scenario. He is susceptible to bad luck and being captured by otherworldly monsters. That’s just who he is. Some people are predisposed to diabetes and heart conditions, Will is predisposed to being dragged to another dimension. So, in this scenario, Will Byers absolutely dies with no hope for survival. His mom, Joyce, goes crazy. His brother, Jonathan, cries and takes pics, and everything happens just like it has been.

— — —

Important question: Does Eleven come back?

Answer: Yes, but not until later.

Eleven does come back because she can never die. We saw her take her fear and use it to fuck shit up. Her fear is Papa. Her fear is the lab. Her fears run deeper through her veins than anyone else in the town can even fathom. Her bloodstream is fear and once she learns how to harness it, Pennywise eats shit. But, for now, she’s in the Upside Down and telepathically communicating with Mike.

— — —

Important question: Who does Pennywise instruct to come after the kids and kill them?

Answer: Billy.

This is the only answer. And he absolutely kills Steve in ever single scenario. So, King Steve is out. He honestly probably succeeds in killing Lucas because he hates Lucas more than anyone else in the town, and I can’t quWHITE put my finger on it, but I have a feeling on why he hates Lucas. There are a lot of scenarios where his anger takes control and ends with Lucas taking a dirt nap, but there are also a lot of other Home Alone-esque scenarios where the kids band together and fuck Billy up. I choose to believe in the latter. Billy gets Steve and nobody else.

— — —

Important question: Who gets to deliver the final death blow to Pennywise?

Answer: DUSTIN.

So, Eleven comes through and pins Pennywise against a wall and fucks him up in 8 different ways. But obviously he turns into Papa and throws her off her game. So it’s up to someone else to deliver the final blow to Pennywise. Enter: Dustin. Mike is the most obvious choice because he loves Eleven, but I don’t think he’s calculated enough. You can’t kill in the heat of love. Lucas is out because he’s always the lookout. He helps perpetuate plans, but he’s never the one to complete the plan. That only leaves Dustin. There is a 100% chance Dustin is the one to kill Pennywise and open the door for Lucas and Mike to pile on so they can give themselves credit later. And if Pennywise does somehow cling to a little bit of life, Eleven is the one to officially end it.

— — —

Important question: Does Pennywise come back for the kids when they grow up?

Answer: No.

Under no circumstances does Pennywise come back for the Stranger Things gang. They are more efficient than the Loser’s Club and would fuck him up again 27 years later if they had to.