Recasting Older Movies: Cruel Intentions
Welcome to the bi-weekly series: Recasting Older Movies.
This week’s pick is a personal favorite of anyone who has any sort of affinity for the 90s: Cruel Intentions.
This movie hasn’t aged all that well, and Sebastian’s arc from sex crazed villain to martyr for love feels unearned. But nevertheless, it gave us MANY iconic moments ranging from Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s kiss, evil Sarah Michelle Gellar, the best use of Colorblind by the Counting Crows, and the best use of Bittersweet Symphony you’ll ever see.
What if this movie was made today, though? Obviously the sexual politics and the rapey subplot with Sebastian and Cecile would be nixed ON SIGHT. But who would be in it? Who would be the new Kathryn? Who would be our tortured hero, Sebastian? Who would be the virgin wunderkind, Annette? Let’s find out.
SEBASTIAN VALMONT: Ansel Elgort
Oh baby, this movie has already gotten off to a hot start. Ansel Elgort is perfect at being likable. Even in Carrie, they knew he was to sweet and likable to be a villain that they completely changed his character to be a sweetheart caught in the crossfire. I think Ansel Elgort makes Sebastian Valmont a character you root for instead of being disgusted by.
KATHRYN VALMONT: Anya Taylor-Joy
Nobody will ever compete with the god, Sarah Michelle Gellar, but Anya Taylor-Joy could feasibly come closer than anyone else. She was so good in The Witch and Split. She’s a born scene stealer, which is what Sarah Michelle Gellar always had been. Could she play a villain? Who knows. But it would be the most intriguing part of the movie. Hollywood would do everything they could to get Bella Thorne or Elle Fanning, but no.
ANNETTE HARGROVE: Zendaya
I am 100% in on Zendaya’s career. And I’m 100% in on her being the most likable person in this movie. I think her version of Annette is stronger, less likely to fall for Sebastian’s tricks. Which would mean that the movie would have to try harder to show Sebastian’s change. Plus, how fucking cute would Ansel Elgort and Zendaya be together?
CECILE CALDWELL: Saoirse Ronan
I’m a resident in the Saoirse Ronan fan club. Obviously, there’s no replacing Selma Blair, but Ronan is so good at playing a shy and awkward person who can be ruthless and cold blooded when it matters. I don’t think her character would get taken advantage of in this version, but she’d probably be strung along. Imagine her being cold as shit passing out copies of Sebastian’s diary at the end. Oh boy.
RONALD CLIFFORD: John Boyega
If you couldn’t buy John Boyega as a violin instructor with a crush on Saoirse Ronan then go to your local optometrist and get those pupils checked out. John Boyega would be perfect as the love torn Ronald, and there’s a 100% chance he could beat Ansel Elgort’s ass at the end. Come to think of it, John Boyega might actually make a great Sebastian. *thinking emoji*
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There you have it, the new and improved Cruel Intentions. I think this movie would be better than the original, especially with the ever changing way we talk about sex and gender. Conversations today are different and deeper, and nobody would let this movie get away with being as fucked up as the original was.
