‘Stranger Things 2’ Power Rankings
It’s Stranger Things week! And today’s Stranger Things theme is power rankings. Now, these power rankings can include anything to do with the show, and there will be a bonus group power ranking at the end! Let’s get to this bitch.
- Hair
This was a good season for hair, the fiercest belonging to Steve Harrington. He was followed very closely by residential hot piece of shit, Billy. Not even Jonathan Byers’ terrible opossum hair could keep this from the top of the power rankings. Other characters with good hair: Dustin, Nancy, both versions of Eleven, Kali and her gang.
2. Music
The music was amazing this season. The synth scores were perfect for every accompanying scene. The songs at the Snowball dance were also perfect, the highlight being “I’ll be watching you” by The Police. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than seeing Dustin cry to that song. But the score that played while Eleven closed the portal…WOOOO SHIT.
3. Sean Astin
Sean Astin can now enter the pop culture lexicon for a new generation yet again. In the 80s it was The Goonies, then Samwise in Lord of the Rings, and now our beloved Bob in Stranger Things. His “I hope it doesn’t suck” gif is already widely circulated throughout the web. Long live Sean Astin.
4. Dungeons and Dragons
I don’t know a damn thing about D&D but I’m fucking in on playing it now. No two brands have benefited more from Stranger Things than Dungeons & Dragons and Eggo Waffles. I love one and I’m completely prepared to love the other.
5. Noah Schnapp
Will was forgotten for the audiences last year because he spent the whole season in the Upside Down. So we didn’t really get a chance to give a shit about him. But it’s all changed now. Season 1 was headlined by the kids running shit, but season 2 built the Will Byers brand and has now put him on equal footing as the rest of the kids in terms of being a fan favorite.
6. Steve Harrington
Steve also built his brand in season 2. He went from reviled boyfriend who pissed off a lot of people by getting Nancy in the end to people being pissed off that it wasn’t him and Nancy in the end. Talk about progression. He also became a hero with the kids, lost his title as King Steve, and fell down the cool ladder fast and furious. But during his fall from grace, Steve rose from the ashes with the audience and found an even better place to be: A beloved pop culture figure. This is where legends are made.
7. Lucas Sinclair
Another brand builder. In season 1 he was whiny and annoying. But season 2 he became a leader. He took charge of the situation and got him a girlfriend AND stood up to his racist ass bully. This was good writing on the show’s part to take one note characters from the first season and allow them to blossom before our eyes. The stakes have never been higher for season 3.
8. The 80s
This is a really good time for the 80s, a generation that has been looked back on fondly since 1990. Of course not everything in the 80s was great, especially for minorities and gays, but in terms of pop culture; business is boomin’, baby. Stranger Things and The Goldbergs and the rise of synthpop should insure the 80s trend going strong at least for another decade. There were so many references riddled throughout the show, that the biggest one I think most people got was that this season was supposed to be The Empire Strikes Back of the series.
9. Neon
Woo, boy. Neon lighting and synth scores are about to take over and I’m completely here for it. Adam Wingard and Nicolas Winding Refn are masters at neon lighting and Stranger Things is so good at nailing the dreamy, euphoric atmosphere those directors aim for. You’re about to see a rising trend in Neon Synth.
10. Love
Love is in the air all season, and our characters are all finding what they deserve. Nancy and Jonathan, Mad Max and Lucas, Bob (RIP) and Joyce, Joyce and Hopper, Mike and Eleven, POSSIBLY DUSTIN AND NANCY?! I’m here for that last one. I’m so, so here for it.
NOTABLES THAT DIDN’T GET RANKED
— Dustin
Nobody hurt their brand more than Dustin this season. All season he was a walking bad decision and went from scene stealing sweetheart to frustrating sweetheart. But he gained back a ton of goodwill at the Snowball Dance. Dustin Hive isn’t as strong as it was last season, but we’re still here.
— Winona Ryder
She was actually a lot better this season because they let her character have a tiny bit more development, but I still don’t think Winona has ever met a child before. She’s has to be the worst at comforting children in times of stress. Still though, all praises to the most high, Lord Winona.
— Sexual tension between Steve and Billy
It was there. All season Billy was uncomfortably aggressive with Steve, and his abusive dad did call him a homophobic slur. I’m probably reading too much into it, but I think it’s something worth looking at next season.
— Billy
It looked like we were going to get an interesting character out of Billy, but he was woefully underused. He did have a moment of sympathy and had a highlight scene with Mike’s mom. But apart from that he was just an aggressive bully whose story was never explored any further.
— Finn Wolfhard
I really thought they were gonna push Mike more this season with Finn’s rising profile, but he was sidelined most of the season and also sulky. His character didn’t really shoot up the rankings like I thought he would, but this season was all about the underappreciated characters rising above, so I’m okay with it.
GROUP POWER RANKINGS
- Steve and Dustin
- Joyce and Hopper
- Lucas and Max
- Hopper and Eleven
- Eleven and Kali
- Mike and Eleven
- Billy and Max
- Those two dumb cops
- Dustin and Dart
- Nancy and Jonathan
