Stranger Things Season 3 Power Rankings

Hunter Saylor
Rad or Bad
Published in
5 min readJul 9, 2019

It’s Stranger Things week!

In celebration of season 3 of Stranger Things, we’ll be celebrating and analyzing the show for an entire week!

Onto the power rankings!!!

  1. The women of Hawkins, Indiana

This season, the women of Hawkins decided to take things in their own hands in discovering mysteries and defeating otherworldly creatures. First we have Nancy taking misogynistic abuse at the hands of her boss as an intern, to Jonathan begging her to just play the game, to uncovering the biggest story of the decade, to playing a part in defeating the Mind Flayer while at the same time nearly sacrificing her life to kill Billy… it’s safe to say Nancy went full Sarah Conner this season.

Also we have to give it to Eleven for reclaiming herself and dumping Mike’s lying ass, Joyce for becoming the detective Hopper wishes he was, Erica for crawling through the air vents, and Robin for cracking the Russian code leading them to the underground lab. The men tried using brute force but were constantly outsmarted by the other species, which is a welcome subversion of the damsel in distress tropes. Women can be just as cool and strong and helpful as the men.

2. Product Placement

This was a good season for product placement as the hyper consumerism of 1985 took full effect. Everything from Eggo’s to New Coke to old school Cocoa Puffs were proudly on display and looked cool as hell. Hopefully this leads to more corporations capitalizing on nostalgia.

3. The 80s

The show has always been full of nostalgic fan service, and the 80s were even ranked last time, but this season ramped up the deep cut references, specifically to other movies. There were references to Halloween 2, Terminator, Red Dawn, Back to the Future, The Nerverending Story and even a nice Gremlins ad on a Ziploc bag. The clothes were EVEN BETTER this time around, specifically Eleven’s fits. The musical cues and synth scores were woven with the slickness and grace of Michael Jordan gliding to the rim and the “Fuck Yeah, America!” decadence of the mid-80s was proudly displayed. The 80s look fun with a slick production budget that seems to have quadrupled since last season.

4. Chief Hopper

He skates in on his flamingo shirt alone. The man dressed like a Miami Vice retiree and rocked what is sure to be the next big Halloween costume for the next few years. In addition to dressing like a 2019 Goodwill hipster, Hopper’s dad-bod, bruising haymakers and John Wick-esque killing of Russians inside of a tacky fair were sure to make him an all-timer. And for the cherry on top, he wrote the sweetest and most soul crushing letter of all time for Eleven and Mike. RIP to a real one… maybe.

5. Maya Hawke

It’s hard to slide through an established show and find your way to the fan’s hearts, but Maya Hawke was determined to become a cult favorite the minute she roasted Steve for being a certified LOSER. Her character came with an immense amount of depth and bravery, which was a welcome contrast to Steve’s Jack Burton brand of heroism and Dustin’s constant sarcastic and energetic pace.

6. King Steve’s Not Really King Steve Anymore

Steve Harrington once ruled Hawkins like King Bob from Recess. He had the looks, the girl, the money and the charisma needed to become prom king. Since his epic reign we’ve seen him be humbled by big Billy, become best friends with Dustin, and scoop ice cream for a living while losing every part of his game and charisma with the ladies. But, Steve always manages one or two heroic moments, this time ramming his car into Billy’s to save the kids and finally winning his first fight at the expense of a Russian guard.

7. Joyce Byers

I cannot commend Stranger Things enough for their treatment of Joyce. With as much trauma as she’s experienced, she’s done a full 180 from season 1. She’s funny, talented, smart, witty, and crafty. She was already all of these things, but this season her powers are at their peak. LONG LIVE JOYCE AND WINONA!

8. Billy

Billy has so much drip that he had every housewife within a 350 mile radius ready to risk it all. And he got the ultimate redemption arc! 10 minutes to showtime!

9. Starcourt Mall

By far the coolest addition to the show was the mall. The mall was its own character, full of incredible stores, neon lighting, Back to the Future, and the necessary utilization of capitalism needed to shut down an entire town. It even gave way to the coolest episode name in the history of television; “The Battle of Starcourt.”

10. Cary Elwes

Anytime Cary Elwes has a chance to be a big piece of shit villain, he plays it up to the maximum. There’s a theory I have, it’s called Going Full Billy Zane. It’s when an actor gives a 100% hammy performance that you can tell was the most fun thing on the planet for them (Matthew Lillard in Scream, Billy Zane in Demon Knight, Rebecca Gayeheart in Urban Legend, etc). Cary Elwes went Full Billy Zane.

NOT RANKED

  • Jonathan Byers — Hard pass on his whole character
  • Mike Wheeler
  • Erica Sinclair — a lot of people really enjoyed her character, I am indeed one of those people. She was funny, sarcastic, and as it turns out, a big nerd. It’s too bad Starcourt burned down, RIP free ice cream for life.
  • Russian Terminator
  • Lucas Sinclair — Lucas remains one of my more favorite characters, but the show still refuses to give him a huge, life altering moment.
  • America — America in the 1980s was defined by decadence. The country was in the middle of the Cold War, pop culture was setting trends that the next 3 decades would follow and pay homage to, the economy was robust if you were middle class and above, and there was a magic to cinema with the golden age of action movies and sci-fi flicks and horror films. Of course this is all looking back through rose-tinted glasses and ignoring the terrible things the Reagan administration did, the HIV/AIDS crisis, the increasing wealth gap, and the War on Drugs which decimated lower income black families.
  • Alexei — Rest now, you sweet soul.

GROUP RANKINGS

  • Joyce Byers, Chief Hopper, Murray, and Alexei
  • Robin, Dustin, Erica, and Steve
  • Eleven and Max
  • Mike, Lucas, and Will
  • Nancy and Jonathan

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