What if ‘Matilda’ Was Made in 2018?
This is going to be the start of a bi-weekly series that revolves around recasting 90s movies and sometimes 2000s movies.
Today’s movie is none other than Matilda.
Danny DeVito directed and starred in it, as well as Mara Wilson, Rhea Pearlman, and Pam Ferris. The movie is a 90s staple that actually holds up well over time, surprisingly.
But let’s pretend they’re remaking this for today’s audiences. Who plays Matilda? Who plays Principal Trunchbull? Who plays Ms. Honey?! Let’s find out together!
MATILDA: Millie Bobby Brown
There’s not any other choice. Go find someone else who can play a girl with telekinetic powers as good as Millie Bobby Brown and I’ll give you $100. Millie is a star in the making and someone who will become a once in a generation actress, like the god Winona Ryder was. Millie is one of the safest bets for becoming a sure-fire star for the next 30 years and it all begins with taking the throne from the great Mara Wilson. Her buzz is basically LeBron James in high school. She will live up to, and most likely exceed, the impossible hype.
PRINCIPAL TRUNCHBULL: Melissa McCarthy
This movie becomes a funnier movie than the original with the addition of the god, Melissa McCarthy. She is the funniest actress today and seeing her with a bullwhip and forcing a child to eat a chocolate cake while she insults him is a comedy layup for her. Of course, Trunchbull is supposed to be scary to audience as well as the kids, and McCarthy doesn’t exactly intimidate anyone. But if she plays her Sean Spicer character with a bullwhip then we’re in for a good time.
MS. HONEY: Kerry Washington
All praises to the most high: Ms. Honey. Kerry Washington would be a very good Ms. Honey because I believe she is 100% the sweetest human ever and that was what made Embeth Davidtz’s Ms. Honey so good. You believed she was your 2nd grade teacher because she was so loving and so caring. And I think Kerry Washington has time and time again displayed those qualities with her characters. I fucking love Kerry Washington.
HARRY WORMWOOD: Zach Galifinakis
There’s no replacing Danny DeVito. And a lot of people don’t think Zach Galifinakis is funny. And I was super torn between him and Jon Hamm but then I was like, “Harry Wormwood shouldn’t be a hot babe,” so I landed on Zach Galifinakis. Harry Wormwood was always meant to be a sleazy and kind of scary character, but I think Galifinakis makes it a more lighthearted role. Imagine his character from Youth In Revolt here.
ZINNIA WORMWOOD: Kristen Wiig
A lot of people have a lot of opinions on Kristen Wiig. I think she’s good and sometimes funny. It really depends on what they give her. I thought she was funny in Masterminds, and the chemistry with her and Zach Galifinakis was so good that I believe it would work in this movie. Her version of Zinnia Wormwood would be a lot weirder and probably not as good as Rhea Pearlman, but I think Kristen Wiig could pull off being an evil mother very well. I was torn between her and Kate McKinnon. I think McKinnon is a very funny actress, but I also think she thinks she’s in another movie in every movie she’s in. And that doesn’t work here. So Kristen Wiig gets the nod!
Is this movie better than the original? Most likely not. It’s hard to convince people high on nostalgia that a newer version of their dearly beloved movie could even be in the same stratosphere. But for the new generation of kids too young for the OG Matilda, I think it’s a good movie that probably won’t hold still in their hearts for 20 years, but could open up the avenue to discover how good and sweet and scary and funny Mara Wilson’s version was.
