The Four Steps to Mediocre Success
Use these common-sense tips to tread water all the way to the top!
“Did you know that in today’s adjective-worthy world, clichés disguised as quotes are a popular way to start a formulaic article?” —The author.
Success in business requires either unusual talent and intelligence, or hard work. We both know which one you’re good for, so without further ado, let’s leave this half-hearted, barely-cobbled together filler of an intro, and jump right to the four secrets of mediocre success:
#1: Find a need in the marketplace.
Some people will tell you to live your passion, to do what you love, to follow your bliss. Clearly these people won’t be driving a BMW anytime soon. Screw bliss. Do whatever will make money. Ideally something vile and predatory like selling sugar to the poor, weapons to dictators, or IT services to hospitals.
With these dirty businesses, it’s not hard to remember to stay emotionally detached, and thereby avoid losing money to moral principles, to misguided appreciation for the product, or even (heaven forbid!) respect for the customers. Your life doesn’t have to mean anything, so go look for a foul need in the marketplace that you can exploit.
#2: Give your customers what they ask for.
It’s common sense that customers know exactly what they want, and know exactly how to ask for it. They are particularly astute at expressing the nuances of their goals and needs through multiple-choice surveys, and touched when we care enough to ask how likely they are to recommend us to friends.
But questionaires aren’t the only way to stand for aimlessness! Ask your customers and employees to publicly discuss what product or business model could put you out of business overnight. It’s a commonsense thing to do, as any of your competitors will tell you.
#3: Give your customers lots of choices.
More choices makes you more busy, and it makes common sense that more revenue should ensue from more work. Your customers are also spending more time evaluating your products, a clear sign that they like them more.
Don’t design one good product: Offer endless variations. Publish a guide to choosing. Get your people busy dreaming up as many half-assed options as possible, instead of perfecting one. Is your product crap? Perhaps, but you can still beat the competition by being the first one with a cup-holder and USB charger.
#4: Keep costs down.
Talented people and companies create great products, great brands, great customer experiences, because they are smart. You’re not, so for you, the smart thing to do is to cut costs. By looking at the bids from different vendors, you put all your math skills to bear and figure out which number is lower. And that’s the kind of hard analysis that explains why you’re the boss.
Feel like a businessman by ignoring all the fuzzy stuff like quality, credentials, track record and references, and keeping a laser-sharp focus on the bottom line. You’ll be glad you kept costs down building your product, because almost nobody will want to buy it without a steep discount.
Bonus tip: Discuss things at meetings.
To boost your business velocity and success, leverage the awesome productivity and efficiency of the dinner party model (minus the fun parts.) Just like with your family at Thanksgiving, you’ll find that it very effectively and efficiently helps the development of pecking orders, lines of conflicts, vigorous dialogue and stimulating competitiveness. As a side benefit, the PTSD effect of these repeated meetings will keep the introverts on your staff too shell-shocked to send out resumes.
It’s lose-lose-lose in a familiar, comfortable way.
And that, of course, is the ultimate goal of mediocre success.
