Photo by K. Mitch Hodge on Unsplash

Co-Creating Empathetic Bereavement Guidelines for your Organization

Life and Death are intertwined. One cannot exist without the other. At some point in our lives, we all will or have experienced the death of a loved one; biological family, chosen family, friends, pets, or anyone who has touched our lives. We have also globally experienced a huge loss of life as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, while also witnessing the loss and decay of our natural environment and animal life.

The gravity of the loss and the way we handle death, grief, and sorrow differs from person to person. The only constant is that time and space are part of the healing process. Yet in societies driven by the narrative of hyper-productivity, this space and time to heal are frequently lacking. This needs to change to allow our humanity as a whole to heal.

Bereavement Policies Globally

In many countries, bereavement (leave) policies have limited protection in federal law. One might be provided one to three days of “sometimes” paid days off — depending on the relationship the employee has with the deceased.

Some companies choose to expand on their locally governing law, by providing two to three weeks of partial pay, and/or unpaid days off for bereavement. They may also allow employees to use vacation days as grief days. This is often coupled with narrow (and cis-heteronormative) definitions of “family” used to justify the number of bereavement days, with little consideration given to those who may be legally responsible for end-of-life bureaucracy.

End-of-life bureaucracy begins when the person passes and may take over a year to have everything settled within courts.

How to foster belonging with bereavement policies

Grief, loss, and death affect us all differently. Each person will have a different timeline and different needs for their grieving process, for a wide array of reasons. Bereavement guidelines need to take into account these different factors. That is why it is imperative to create empathic bereavement guidelines that foster belonging. So how do we go about this?

Trust the grieving person.

All too frequently, employers become investigative around the death, often requesting proof of death, funeral, etcetera. This can compound the pain an individual is already experiencing as death, by its nature, is already an intrusive experience.

Empower the person, by providing choice.

By using a “buffet-style” of bereavement guidelines, giving employees options to choose according to their needs, the affected individual can use the options available to them in a way that works for them. Plan for flexibility and the ability to customize the bereavement leave plan with the individual.

Be intentional about language

Change the language from bereavement leave policy to bereavement guidelines. This signals to employees that there is room for flexibility based on their needs, rather than hard and fast rules.

Processing grief is not a vacation

Recognize that grieving is absolutely not a vacation. It is heavy and hard emotional work. Needing to use vacation days as bereavement leave is inappropriate and sends the signal that you are either unaware or do not care what loss and grief mean for a person.

What’s holding us back?

The biggest barrier to companies establishing supportive bereavement guidelines and policies that we have encountered is mistrust.

It is imperative to understand that misuse of bereavement leave is incredibly uncommon. In fact, most people are socialized to avoid any outward sign of weakness and thereby will tend to “push through” their grief, rather than taking the time they need to care for themselves.

In our experience, this is actually a much bigger risk to companies and organizations: the cultural taboo of weakness and grief, leading people to burn themselves out.

Know that death, grief, and sorrow take huge capacities from people and are correlated to depression. Depression hijacks the brain and can leave people unable to be focused, creative or productive (by a capitalist notion of productivity). By recognizing this and giving employees the space they need to grieve, you will, in the long term, enable them to access their full potential and productivity again.

Withholding this time and space because an individual is needed for projects or deadlines will be damaging to both the grieving individual as well as the company.

Bereavement Guidelines

Below are a few examples of Bereavement Guidelines that center belonging:

• The grieving individual may define “family” or the closeness of the connection to the departed person for themselves. Remove strict rules that reinforce heteronormative definitions of family, connections, and closeness.
• All forms of loss are seen as part of bereavement conversations. The offer of bereavement days is widened for the loss of pregnancies, pets, or any other significant loss the employee is impacted by.
• The option for two weeks of paid leave after the death of a close connection is provided. This gives the individual the space to take time and adjust to their new normal of living without the connection in their lives, attend the funeral or other memorial services and take into account different cultural ways of grieving. Some may choose not to take these initial two weeks off because work is a welcome distraction. Grief may arise weeks or months later. Emphasize the affected person’s choice and allow them to access this when they need it.
• A week of paid leave is provided for a less close connection.
• Guaranteed paid time off for attending visitations, funerals, burials, and memorials for all employees who experience a loss.
• Employees can access a bank of paid bereavement days throughout (at minimum) the first year. This goes in particular for a close connection. There will be various days and anniversaries throughout the year that will be triggering for folx — having a bank of paid bereavement days will give the individual the space to take the day off when needed.
• Flexible return to work options such as working from home. This can be critical as folx may need to travel to different cities or countries for extended periods of time.
• A quiet, secluded space in the office is made available, which people can easily access when they experience overwhelming emotions. This space is intended as a safe(r), stimulus-reduced room where employees can process and be with emotions arising in the moment.
• Access to mental health professionals is offered through employee programs.
• Teams and leaders are empowered to create space to talk about grief and emotions in an empathic and sensitive manner, through training and openly communicated guidelines for supporting grieving colleagues and friends.

Where to start with bereavement guidelines:

This resource aims to support your organization in creating bereavement guidelines that are inclusive of all forms of grief and loss. We encourage your organization to have empathy and walk with the grieving person, not act as another barrier.

To recap, below are our tips to start co-creating bereavement policies that foster belonging:

1. Trust your employees when they share this incredibly vulnerable moment with you.
2. Empower your employees to choose the time they need to process grief.
3. Change the language around bereavement policies to guidelines, showing flexibility.

And a few more…

• Understand that misuse of bereavement leave is uncommon.
• Recognize that grieving is absolutely not a vacation.
• Know that death, grief, and sorrow take huge capacities from people.

Finally, ask for feedback from your employees and teams to share what they would like to see in your company’s bereavement guidelines. After all, co-creation is where belonging is fostered.

Looking for more support in creating inclusive guidelines that foster belonging within your company? Schedule a call to see how Dr. Mega Consulting can help support you in this co-creation process.

Book a call here: Dr. Mega’s Calendar