Part II: Everything I Ever Learned
I love reading about my fellow cat lovers’ cats and I’m sure Lella is an interesting read for many like me. But…she is a tough one to write about. She may be the most complex of all my cats.
If you don’t have endless patience and love for a timid cat, you can’t know her as well as the boisterous ones. Some might sum up their shy cat with, “we don’t see her that much.” If she is hiding or runs from you when you approach, it is hard to really say much more than that, right? With lots of work, Lella has revealed a lot and taught me tons.
Backing up to the beginning, Lella is the second of my three cats. I’d had Nino for a number of years alone and I really knew in my heart he didn’t want to be an only cat. Being the first cat, I didn’t want to find a cat with a bigger personality than his so that he wouldn’t feel displaced.
I think I searched for seven weeks and went to nine shelters “interviewing” ;-) cats! That is, I’d spend roughly an hour with each cat that seemed to be a good fit and really interacted to see what I could learn. I also asked all about their interactions with other cats and came up with adopting Lella, a very timid, sweet gal.
Turns out, they loved each other instantly. She also quickly knew I had nothing but love to give her, so she was quite comfortable with me. She would get skittish around feeding time and when she was unprepared for me to reach out an arm to pet her. Maybe as the stray that she was, she was caught going through garbage or sneaking bites other cats’ outdoor food dishes and some human scared her: the fear around food, combined with the hand that feeds her, is her strongest.
I could see that noises scared her and so I learned how critical it was to make feeding times calm, never raise my hand to pet her too quickly, and keep noises to a minimum wherever I could.
Sure enough, it was a noise that changed my life with her forever…
When my kitchen was being redone, I stayed at my mom’s house and had both cats with me. Nino was extremely good about being outdoors (we had visited there a lot) and I was cautious with Lella — just staying with her and bringing her in. And when I realized that wasn’t going to work (too risky, should something scare her), I determined she’d just have to watch Nino from indoors.
Well, one day, as Nino was being let out, that door squeeked in its very loud way and Lella ran right for it and out into the yard. She was absolutely terrified and I couldn’t coax her back, as calmly as I tried. She just kept darting to any spot that seemed safe. You might think she just wanted to be outside, but I can tell you, I now have seen her run towards danger rather than away from it. Maybe a few wires are crossed in her, but I now know that fear can do weird things to her in her attempt to find safety.
The next three weeks were the worst of my life. If you read my Don’t Give Up On a Lost Cat, she’s the one that taught me all those techniques. That afternoon, she darted under the carport (too small for me to fit, though I got 1/3 the way in before the crawlspace was only big enough for her). I stayed with her, calling the Humane Society on my mobile, and waited til they came out to help. But the gentleman’s technique triggered her disappearance: he stomped on the carport to get her to come out. (I know! Crazy. In retrospect, I’d have done much better on my own). Come out she did, but she ran off into the tiny forest that is all around my mother’s house.
I searched constantly those three weeks. My visits to the Humane Society (more helpful in searching than in coaxing a shy cat out from hiding) and consultations with The Domestic Animal taught me:
· shy cats do better than bold ones when they’re lost (the latter can get themselves into trouble with cars or animals)
· shy cats will likely not travel far from where they were lost
· shy cats might not even make a peep when you call them (and they could be within an arm’s reach, hiding, and not responding)
Sure enough, after getting to know all neighbors (and their yards, garages, storage sheds and more) within a 3/4 mile radius, I found her right at the bottom of the steps to my mom’s house. She likely had found that spot and stayed there the whole time. I hadn’t quite believed when the experts had told me that that was possible! They also told me of cats surviving up to 21 days without food in the wild.
I’m certain she had some opportunity for catching mice (and the garden hose was nearby for water), but she was emaciated and starving when she finally responded one afternoon to my calls. I coaxed her out slowly with food, and when she had the first half of her body out, I had to swoop her up quickly — she was always so fast, that if I scared her and my timing was off, she’d dart again. But she was so weak, she couldn’t run. I had her in my arms, rushed her back in, and had the best reunion of my life.
Ever since then, when she is hungry, she’s adopted a new meow that sounds weak, just like when I found her. I know all animals can replicate behavior that they know has produced a desired result. I had no idea Lella could change her voice like that just to trigger that empathy and joy she saw in me when I found her that day. That’s incredible. Hard to believe.
So her instincts make her adjust her meows now and her instincts for survival kept her safe. She survived probably better than Nino would have. I’ve learned she’s tough. I’ve learned that she also knew when to finally give in and ask for help. I’ve learned she needs an incredibly safe, enclosed outdoor environment (she had that at my old place with its enclosed deck garden in San Francisco and now has it again with a catio).
She’s living with me, two cats, and a man (oh boy, those scare her the most), and in a whole new home. But she has adjusted to the third cat and the other human very well, considering her fears. She spends more time in the catio than the others do. She loves it out there, she just needs a safe separation from all scary things.
When she’s safe, she can be as relaxed as can be: when she’s in my arms being cuddled, she looks up at me like she’s in love with me! All starry eyed and happy. She appears to be a different cat at those times. If I hadn’t always worked so hard with her behavior challenges, I’d maybe know nothing about her. And she could easily have been adopted by a family that scared her into living under a bed all her life and then no one would really have gotten to know her. She’s required a lot of work. Much more than my other two!
Losing her for three weeks (losing my mind, drawing on any bit of strength I had to keep searching), was ultimately good for me: I grew stronger and my love for her deeper.
I’d love it if I could encourage anyone with a shy cat to keep having patience: when their world is safe, they can relax, open up and be a joy to be around. And if I accomplish nothing else in my life, I hope that passing along what she taught me in Don’t Give Up On a Lost Cat will help even one person find their lost cat.
