Part III: Everything I Ever Learned
I’ve always thought that “unconditional love” is something to be a bit leery about.
I know. That sounds unsentimental, unemotional, harsh, maybe even checked-out. But hear me out on this, after all, this is part three of three on everything I’ve learned (which is all from my cats)…
I’ve always thought that every being (humans, as well as cats and any living creature) should have at least some condition to their love: some limit where love stops when someone wrongs us. No one can convince me that unconditional love is a good thing! But, that said, Fia has taught me what it is that people must mean when they say “unconditional love” in speaking about their pets.
Nino and Lella have shown me conditions: Nino can get grumpy over being pet in the wrong way, Lella has constant conditions about whether she lets you pick her up or not. I actually think both are perfectly normal and reasonable. I’ve created conditions in the realm of humans that are somewhat akin to those regarding my personal space, time alone, what I’ll accept from client behavior and what I won’t. I think we all should have some reasonable boundaries.
Not everything is acceptable, but unconditional means unconditional. I think when people think of their pets in that way, it is just not the proper term, but I do have a good sense of what they’re trying to say.
Fia is the most recent addition to our family of cats. She’s also the youngest, most energetic, most challenging to train, and most demanding of play time. But she is also the most affectionate, most undisturbed by change, the most forgiving of a late meal or missing treats, she’s the most adoring, the most loyal, and the most cuddly. She doesn’t get grumpy or afraid of her humans. She may not always understand us, but she just hasn’t built-up any anger, fears or anxieties about us that makes her retreat.
Fia regularly jumps on my lap at my computer and kneads my tummy (I never wear anything that I’d regret a hole or two in at my desk) and she purrs and snuggles her head under my chin. This is nearly every day and at nearly the same time every day. She gets a lot of pets and scratches for 5 or 10 minutes as she rhythmically kneads my sweater. Unlike Nino who might jump off when he is done, or Lella who might get scared by some noise or movement or even the unexplained, Fia would stay forever if her front paws didn’t tire out.
She follows all this up with curling up on my chest getting as close to my face as possible. Mind you: I’m not lying down, she does not have a flat tummy to lay on — I’m sitting up at my desk and she’s nearly vertical every single time! This can’t be the most comfortable position she could choose to end up in. But she’ll settle for it because it is the best that she can do with the situation and she’s happier trying it out than moving on.
Fia is a cat who will constantly cheer me up when I’m down. It seems like she comes to me, always in an attempt to rest her cheek as closely to my face or neck each time, and must have some idea that she can turn my mood around.
What she has taught me isn’t so much “unconditional” love, but she’s showed me how crucial a persistent love can be for another being. She’s taught me that remaining relaxed when things are imperfect makes life easy on those around you. She’s taught me that if I can ever be a friend to anyone in my life like she is to me, that will be a very wonderful thing. It is humbling to experience her love: I know I’ve fallen short with so many people in my life.
Each of my cats has shown me invaluable lessons in life. Nino’s been amazing to see a very highly evolved brain in a little furry creature. He’s an amazing athlete at age 16. Lella’s such a survivor against all odds. And, even with all her fears, her warming-up to me and a very select few, shows that she can still trust others despite all that may happened to her in her stray cat life before I adopted her. And Fia has shown me how constant kindness, forgiveness, and close cuddles go such a long long way. I’m truly grateful to these guys and I hope they’ve made me a better person. I’m trying. And if I get it wrong, I hope one of them will be my human and I their cat in the next life.
