Time to Come Clean … I’m Not Who You Think I Am, I’m an Imposter!!!
It’s True, I Really Do Find Myself Struggling with Imposter Syndrome
I have to let you in on a bit of a secret. I’m not who you think I am. What I am is a fraud, an imposter, I’m someone getting by through the skin of my teeth.
I often find myself saying these kind of things to myself. Many of you who are reading this have probably said something similar about yourselves. Imposter Syndrome (as it is commonly known as) is something that is very common in the world today, and it’s not something foreign to the Salesforce ecosystem. Many of us in the Trailblazer Community struggle with Imposter Syndrome, and we often struggle with it much more than we would like to openly admit.
For me personally, the last 16 months has arguably seen me really arrive on the scene. I don’t say that to brag on myself, but to convey the point that if you compare how well known I am in the Trailblazer Community now to the beginning of 2021, there is a huge difference between the two. Put it this way, by the end of June I’ll have spoken at 5 different conference events, spoken at a number community events and provided support away from the public eye to a number of different Trailblazers. Not to mention that I was fortunate enough to be a part of the recent Skills for Success series that is running weekly right now on the Salesforce Admins blog. Objectively, I’m doing a lot of good stuff in and around the community. Yet, even with all of that being the true, I still struggle with Imposter Syndrome and often feel a bit of a fraud.
In this post, I want to posit what I think are a few of the reasons why I still have days when I feel like an imposter. Maybe some of these reasons will resonate with you. If it does and you want to talk about any of these things, please do feel free to message me on Twitter and LinkedIn, I’d be more than happy to do what I can to help you. My hope with this post is to encourage people, not to rear up difficult thoughts and feelings that are a pain point.
Also, this week is Mental Health Awareness Week here in the UK. So this week feels a little appropriate for this post. If you’re in a position where you are struggling with mental health make sure you talk to someone you trust. The first step to fighting a battle with our mental health is to ask for help.
The Demons of My Past Want Me to Prove Myself
I’ve briefly mentioned it before, but in my life, like many people have done unfortunately, I’ve suffered abuse in my life. I’ve been through emotional and physical abuse in my childhood, this was primarily through bullying during my years at school. I also went through a period of going through spiritual abuse in my adult years not so long ago. Abuse of any kind can leave scars on us that takes years to heal, if they ever fully heal. Growing up I was regularly told that I was worthless, that I should never been born or that I should go and kill myself. This kinds of thing wears on a person’s psyche and can often lead to them developing a chip on their shoulder, feeling that they have to prove the people who said those things wrong. This has been the case in my life. I most certainly developed that chip, and in some ways it’s still here.
How this manifests in my Imposter Syndrome I think, is that I feel as if I have to prove I belong in this ecosystem each and every day. With so many amazing people to look up to, and myself now arguably being able to seen as part of that grouping of people, I do often feel like I have to earn my place among those names every single day. There’s a part of me that knows that this feeling is ridiculous, after all most of us probably know that the feelings that we have which stem from our Imposter Syndrome aren’t true, but we still feel them nonetheless. I still feel that I need to prove myself in this amazing community.
I’m Not the Same as the People I Look Up To
Following on from my previous point, I don’t know about you, but I often find me telling myself that I’m not as good as the people that I look up to in the ecosystem. No matter how many certs I get, how many badges I complete, how many conferences I speak at, or how many people I manage to help. When I look at the people I admire, I always without fail come away feeling a little less-than. Now let’s be truthful here, this isn’t down to the person that I admire at all. Rather, it is down to the way I view myself inside more often than not. I noted in my previous point about some of the experiences I went through growing up and even in adulthood. These experiences have led to a somewhat damaged self-esteem, making it extremely easy to compare myself to others and come off as the loser. There is a part of me that knows that I don’t have to feel this way, but I often do feel that way in spite of the truth.
This manifests itself in Imposter Syndrome very noticeably. It leads to me questioning myself all the time. Let me give you a quick example. The other day I looked at my LinkedIn and Twitter following count, and noticed that across both platforms I had a little over two thousand followers. Granted, some of the people following me on LinkedIn most likely also follow me on Twitter, so the number is probably slightly inflated. I found myself shocked by this, wondering why so many people were possibly interested in anything I have to say. The responses I got to the Tweet I posted about this basically said, “well yeah because you’re awesome and help a lot of people, so of course people want to listen to you”. Nevertheless it still blows my mind that so many people want to hear from me, and that number is growing seeming daily right now.
I Don’t Know Everything and Sometimes That’s Hard
As your influence grows you’ll start to have more and more people come up to you, whether this is in-person or online, and ask you questions. Sometimes you will get asked a question that you don’t know the answer to. This can also feed into our Imposter Syndrome. While it is true that we can all say that it is impossible to know everything about Salesforce, how many of us feel as if we should know it all deep down? How many of us battle the feelings of thinking we should know it all and the reality that we never will? I’ll throw my hand up right now and same that I’m one of those people. So when I don’t know the answer to a question I get asked, thoughts like “well, so and so will know the answer” begin to creep into my mind. This affects my Imposter Syndrome by feeding into my feelings of inadequacy. There is another side to this point as well, one that isn’t based on my lack of knowledge, but rather the strong opinions and sometimes (dare I say it) arrogance of others in the community.
Let me preface this side of the talking point by saying it is most certainly the minority of people in the community who fit into this camp. The majority of people are awesome, but like with any good, you do get a few eggs who spoil the omelette a little bit. These people aren’t necessarily bad people, but the way in each they express their opinions and talk to others in the community can have a negative impact on their confidence. So the question becomes, how do we deal with this. Well I think the answer is said than done, I think all we need to do is say thank you for your opinion and then move on from the conversation. Again, easier said than done, but I think it’s the best way to handle those instances that happen. Thankfully they haven’t happened to often to me, I’ve seen them happen to others though and that is bad enough.
The Good News, You Have an Ohana Behind You
Before I wrap up I do want to offer a more positive point. This post has covered some negative thoughts and ideas, so I want to try and end this on a high if I can. I’m not going to be able to write a big piece about how we fight Imposter Syndrome in this post. What I can do is talk about our biggest asset in fighting it, that being the Trailblazer Community, the Salesforce Ohana. Pardon the puns here, but we have an army behind us and can stand on the shoulders of giants. Trust me when I tell that the community within the Salesforce ecosystem is amazing. Over the last year particularly, I can truly say that I’ve made friends for life, I’ve met people that I would truly go to bat for. And if you haven’t got that network behind you, you can easily grow that, get involved in the community and that network will organically grow. Trust me.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the best way (in my opinion) to really grow that support network is to try and get yourself out there. Go to community events, find people on the Trailblazer Community and get connected on social media. Like I say, if you make a little effort to get your name out there you will see that group around you grow organically. Just remember, the best way to really build that network is not to just merely take, you should give a little yourself. Giving your time really does help you get your name out there and build up that network I’m talking about. It’s OK to get something out of our kindness, but we have to remember that it’s not truly kindness if we’re only being kind for the rewards that come with it.
Closing Remarks
So that’s my thoughts on why I struggle with Imposter Syndrome. Maybe some of these points resonated with you. As I said at the beginning if any of the things I have said leads you to want to talk, do feel free to reach out to me. I try to respond to all the messages I receive. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic, do you agree with the points I’ve made? Let me know what you think here in the response or online via Social Media. I’ll see you all very soon.
