Memo Archive 20200826: Work-Life

Published in

Rahono

7 min readAug 27, 2021

Preamble

Today we will go through a day in the life of how I learned from stoicism to live a workday, to stay aware of what I am doing and thinking, to be aware of what my purpose or goal in life is, to feel balanced in life, or you could say work-life balance, work-life integration, pick your own pill of jargon. We may feel weary, irritated, nervous, jealous, or any other type of discomfort at times.

“It is our own opinions that disturb us. Take away these opinions and resolve to dismiss your judgment about an act as if it were something grievous, and your anger is gone.”
— — Marcus Aurelius

As a result, if we allow our emotions to consume us, we are the only ones who suffer.

“Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.”
— — Epictetus

Stoic, Stoicism

From Oxford Language, the definition of stoic is

A person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.

Background Story

When I studied stoicism, it always brought up memories of the first time I discussed it with an old buddy over a few drinks on a Sunday afternoon. As per usual, after a few beers, we start muttering and talking about our perspectives — in life, in work, in ideology, etc. Whenever we discuss suffering and pain, I’m reminded of the expression “Everyone dies, but not everyone dies whining.” I appreciate the fact that complaining and regret are natural feelings or emotions that we have, but whether we suffer or not depends on how we approach it from a different perspective.

To Say; To Be Balanced

What is “WORK” for me?

Work is just part of life for me, on my thought — perspective, the realization that Epictetus, one of the most well-known stoic figures, was a slave, and how can a slave keep living? He might not have been the master of his life, but his mind is, so I don’t think it’s essential to differentiate work from life.

“If you seek tranquillity, do less.’ Or (more accurately) do what’s essential — -what the logos of a social being requires, and in the requisite way. Which brings a double satisfaction: to do less, better. Because most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you’ll have more time, and more tranquillity. Ask yourself at every moment, ‘Is this necessary?”
— — Marcus Aurelius

Do what is essential, Temperance is one of the important values I learned from Stoicism, which means doing nothing excess, or being efficient. For those of you who have worked with me, you may have noticed a reflection of this statement in my daily life, for example, I wore the same outfit every day, because I realized it took me too long to pick and choose — what to wear today? Yes, famous CEO does it, but this value gives me the courage to do so.

Work-life balance is quite a jargon nowadays, and you may hear a lot of similar words about it — I have too much work and no life, and you may also hear about work-life integration, but let me ask you a question, what do you see when you say — balance, what I see is either a person walking on a rope or a scale on the table, it gives us the expectation that work and life should be either 50:50, or not too much of weight on one side so we didn’t fall,

“Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice.”
— — Epictetus

When our expectations do not match what really happens, we become upset, our world begins to crumble, and we begin to have perpetual reasons to complain about everything. In actuality, or at the very least, Today, I may need to work long hours to reach a shared objective, either with individuals on the same team or in the same organization; tomorrow, I may experience burnout and need to take a leave, to reconnect with nature, and then there comes an urgent call. After all, there is something you can control while others cannot. So, how do I deal with issues in my day-to-day work life?

Get ready to face your worst day

“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly”.
— — Marcus Aurelius

Think everyone you work with: your colleagues want a higher position, your client wants to be treated like a king, your CTO doesn’t want any downtime, and so on. Your PM wants to invite everyone to a lot of meetings. Expect all of this, have justice for everyone even when they make mistakes, when they cause you pain, try to see it from a different perspective that they may also be in a lot of suffering inside themselves, accept the injustice of the world around you and unjust actions from others.

You always have options to be The Problem Solver

“The Impediment to Action Advances Action. What Comes in the Way, Becomes the Way.”
— — Marcus Aurelius

Wherever you work, whenever you work, there will always be a challenge, a problem, there will always be bugs in your clean code, there will always be downtime on your excellent scale infrastructure, and there will always be disagreement.

But remember, you always have the option of whining, complaining, and cry over or running away from any issue, or continuing your work as if everything goes differently, in any circumstances, you always have the option to be the problem solver.

Don’t make things harder than they need to be

“If someone asks you how to write your name, would you bark out each letter? And if they get angry, would you then return the anger? Wouldn’t you rather gently spell out each letter for them? So then, remember in life that your duties are the sum of individual acts. Pay attention to each of these as you do your duty . . . just methodically complete your task.”
— — Marcus Aurelius

Let’s look at some examples: you’re dealing with difficult people, you believe they don’t know what they’re doing, and when they ask you anything, you immediately oppose because you dislike the person, not the request; this will generate friction and make things more difficult than they need to be.

Our lives (and/or jobs) are already difficult enough; let us not make it more difficult by getting stuck in insignificant things or fighting for things we do not really care about. Instead, get the work done as if it didn’t make your day feel difficult, and try to remember that what you can control is your perceptions and feelings, not their actions.

Don’t let circumstances swallow your day

“Today I escaped from the crush of circumstances, or better put, I threw them out, for the crush wasn’t from outside me but in my own assumptions.”
— -Marcus Aurelius

In a day, you may feel overwhelmed, burnout, or frustrated; you may believe you have already done your best work for the day, but you are still angry; perhaps your colleagues are bothering you with some trivial tedious questions; if only we could understand and grasp that this — the frustration — is impossible; nothing can bother you, nothing can overwhelm you; work cannot cause you to burnout; those — work are external. It will not affect you without your consent; you are the one who allows yourself to feel that way; you cannot blame them; the reason is inside us; it is our doing; it is our opinion, our thoughts, our judgment and the world around us is just simply the target.

Epilogue

That is only one example of how I apply some of the moral principles of Stoicism to my daily routines; I am aware that there is always a — easier said than done attitude toward any message or words that it was other people’s life experience.

“Don’t Explain Your Philosophy. Embody It.”
— -Epictetus

That’s why I never really discuss or explain why I’ve been working at the same company for a long time or tell people that my jobs are less miserable; I try to show it, try to be the best version of myself, but I’ll try to answer if someone asks me what I did differently. By the end of the day, I didn’t try to change your perspective or views; instead, I tried to demonstrate — in the form of words — how I process thought, how I deliver facts, and how I give feedback if necessary.

Be kind, be aware, and do good for yourself and others.