Always Thinking of You
Our dear dear Sushi
I haven't written about Sushi since my last post back in November, but she is constantly in our minds. We still break into tears every so often. I don't think there is a day that goes by that we do not talk about missing her. I can only share this with a few people. A lot of friends simply do not understand this kind of grief. To them, a pet is just a pet and this is something we need to accept. This pains me knowing she only has little to no value to them when she meant the world to us.
I never liked cats. When I moved in with my partner I had to adjust to living with 4 Himalayan cats. It wasn't easy for me. I have chronic rhinitis, allergies, and asthma. Feeling fur touching my skin was a different feeling to me too, so I would jump when one of the kitties was trying to be close to me.
I only realized years after, that it was such a big gesture to them. Walking towards you, crisscrossing between your legs, rubbing their noses, and making you feel their fur was affection to them.
It started with feeding one of them and then eventually I can feed all of them when no one else is around to give them food. Before long, I was already attached to all 4 cuteness plus my allergies became manageable! Through the years, we had vet trips, numerous experiments on food, researches on the best care and nutrition for them. I became a pet mama!
About 3 years ago, on our 3rd move to a new place… all 4 of them suddenly stopped eating on their own. I guess the stress of the move was too much plus the fact that they were all senior cats around that time. Things started changing for us. No more spontaneous dinner dates, or unplanned errands, worse of all, we had to stop taking vacations as well (except for that 1 time, I left my partner with the fur babies so I can travel and I felt guilty since).
Being pet parents became a full-time job for both of us. A job we gladly took on. Around that time Sushi's heart condition, which she had since 2014 started showing signs. One of our other cats, Turnip had kidney disease and she had to be on subcutaneous fluids daily. My partner is lucky to be working from home most of the time so someone is always home to watch over them. I can always step in when work would take my partner elsewhere.
There was a brief moment before Covid-19, we found a rhythm to step out at night when everyone is sleeping. We would set up our IP camera and have a quick drink nearby with friends for an hour or 2 and rush home.
I remember Sushi would run after us and it was very difficult to close the door on her. We would look at the video on our phones, the 3 would be fast asleep except for Sushi. She would be sitting up on the couch staring at the door. Our hearts would melt and would drown our last drink to go home asap.
When lockdown happened in March 2020, I am pretty sure the cats loved this set-up. We were with them 24/7. We loved being with them too and the fact that we can monitor and focus on them more. They participated in some of my Zoom meetings too. It's too cute!
My partner and I talked about this a few times, the lockdown couldn't have come at a better time. Sushi's health was slowly declining. It was good that we were always home. She was constantly needing us beside her. I would catch her outside the bathroom door whenever I go in to do my "business" or shower. She would sit on my files beside me whenever I work on the dining table. She would constantly cuddle with my partner every chance she gets. She sits with us during meal times and on Netflix nights.
We noticed she started coughing, we set an appointment with the vet and found out she had water in her lungs. On the first visit in September, the fluids were inside her lungs, a medicine was prescribed to make her pee it out. A few weeks later, coughing became more frequent. Another visit to the vet showed that the water reached outsideher lungs. It had to be drained out. Our poor baby! We were told this feels like drowning so we had to make a choice on the spot to drain it all out. A huge risk for a 16 year-old cat, turning 17… yet, she survived. Sushi was a champ! She woke up from the anesthesia, we couldn't be any happier!
Our vet informed us that this is a temporary solution. Fluids can accumulate again over time and draining it may not be successful the second time. Our hearts sank. I saw my partner go through so much anxiety and panic. I read her messages that she sent out to different cat groups, asking for help… she was desperate. My partner went through ANTICIPATED GRIEF. I was there, witnessed it all, and my heart, broken.
My partner loved Sushi. Sushi was her soul pet. She took care of her for 17 years. She would wake up at 4am to start feeding, give meds, and dedicated her life caring for the 4 cats. I have never seen such a loving, caring, dedicated pet mama. She is amazing.
I took the supporting role and I love them all. Sushi just taught me a lot more. She showed me love and this made me learn how to love all of 4 of them … and all kinds of animals. I was never a pet person if you ask anyone I know from 10 years ago … but here I am now, scrolling through pet photos on Instagram and Facebook. This was all because of Sushi.
Sushi, we miss you. We cry whenever we talk about you. We never run out of Sushi stories to tell one another. You make our hearts smile, and knowing you are pain-free makes us accept your passing. We hope you are having a blast up there in heaven. Thanks for always watching over us. We love you forever.
