Why Problematic Behavior in Children Evolves: Adlerian Psychology’s Perspective
“There is no such thing as an internal problem. All problems are interpersonal relationship problems” — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga from “The Courage to Be Happy”
Children’s behavior isn’t always what it seems — there’s more to it than meets the eye. Adlerian psychology, a distinctive branch of psychological thought, looks into the reasons behind kids’ problem behavior. It breaks it down into five stages; this helps us see what’s really going on beneath the surface and why kids do what they do.
The 5 stages of children’s problem behavior are:
1- Demand For Admiration
2- Attention Drawing
3- Power Struggles
4- Revenge
5- Proof of Incompetence
The main goal of problem behavior, according to Adlerian psychology’s stages, is driven by a basic human need to fit in and feel important in their social world. At each stage, this behavior transforms into a quest for recognition, attention, or a unique position. Key to this behavior is the desire for love, approval, and a feeling of being special.
As someone goes through these stages, the urgency to fulfill these desires grows, even if it means resorting to negative behaviors (such as power struggles and revenge). Understanding this underlying goal helps teachers and caregivers respond with empathy and effectiveness, addressing children’s emotional needs and guiding them toward healthier ways to connect and find fulfillment.
“Unveiling the hidden motives empowers caregivers and educators to navigate the labyrinth of behavior, steering youngsters towards more meaningful paths of connection and fulfillment.” — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga from “The Courage to Be Happy”
Stage 1: Demand For Admiration
The first phase in children’s behavior is called the ‘demand for admiration.’ Kids aim to be noticed and validated in this step, striving for an important spot among their friends and family. Whether hardworking students or enthusiastic workers, their actions are driven by a craving for compliments.
While these efforts might look good on the surface, the real motivation is seeking approval from others rather than personal growth. As the desire for praise gets stronger, there’s a risk of sacrificing their true selves and honesty. Even though it seems harmless, this starting point sets the groundwork for their future emotions and interactions. Recognizing and dealing with this phase becomes vital in guiding children toward healthy self-esteem.
Adlerian psychology shines a light on this complex stage, urging teachers, parents, and society to encourage a more genuine and lasting acknowledgment. This ultimately shapes how kids behave in the following stages.
Stage 2: Attention Drawing
As the pursuit of approval encounters obstacles, kids pivot towards standing out, often resorting to disruptive or passive actions. The ultimate aim is gaining recognition, which can sometimes outweigh the fear of reprimand. This stage signifies a crucial turning point, fueled by the yearning for a unique identity.
Adlerian psychology uncovers a subtler layer — these actions arise from a deep-seated need for distinctiveness. Whether through bold mischievousness or quiet withdrawal, the goal is to carve out a space that sets the child apart. However, this drive for attention might overshadow genuine personal growth and accomplishments, perpetuating a cycle of seeking notice.
Understanding this stage doesn’t equate to endorsing disruption; it’s about grasping the underlying motive. Redirecting these energies positively and recognizing their value beyond seeking attention can pave the way for more balanced self-expression.
Stage 3: Power Struggles
The third stage of problematic behavior is where kids become entangled in what’s known as ‘power struggles.’ In this phase, the main aim is to establish control and gain a special position. This stage is characterized by clashes, instigations, and attempts to prove strength and earn respect. Power struggles often involve resistance against authority and efforts to break free from limitations, whether in a classroom, family setting, or within society. The battle for influence and prominence can show up as defiance, rebellion, and even disruptive actions, creating a complex challenge for educators, parents, and caregivers to navigate.
Recognizing the underlying craving for recognition is pivotal in effectively addressing power struggles and steering children toward healthier paths to achieve their goals.
Stage 4: Revenge
At this point, kids, after failing to achieve success in power struggles, embark on a journey of retaliation. Fueled by an unfulfilled yearning for recognition and love, this stage reveals itself through various actions. Acts of resistance, provocation, and defiance become the means by which children try to establish a sense of importance. Whether challenging authority figures, participating in acts of rebellion, or even resorting to self-harm, the pursuit of revenge is driven by the longing to evoke a reaction, even if it’s a negative one.
Although the child may seem to be defying others, their ultimate goal is to be noticed and acknowledged, even if it’s through negative attention.
Stage 5: Proof of Incompetence
This stage explores the realm of self-doubt and despair. Here, kids grapple with a deep sense of inadequacy, often fueled by past failures and unfulfilled hopes. Children start to embrace their perceived shortcomings. Their actions become a reflection of their inner beliefs, seeking to validate their feelings of being “unworthy.” This exchange underscores educators' and parents' challenges when confronted with kids immersed in this stage, as traditional approaches like reprimanding or punishment may not yield the desired outcomes.
Building Bridges to Better Behavior
Addressing children’s problem behavior requires a thoughtful and nuanced approach that delves into the intricate psychological motivations guiding their actions. Adlerian psychology is a valuable guide in this endeavor, offering profound insights into the roots of such behavior.
Rather than resorting to punitive measures such as constant rebuking, a far more effective strategy involves the cultivation of positive connections with children. This entails creating an environment where they are taught, genuinely valued, actively heard, and deeply respected.
By prioritizing their sense of belonging and intrinsic self-worth, parents can play a critical role in assisting their children to overcome their inclination towards negative attention-seeking or disruptive actions.
For instances where problem behavior advances to more complex stages, such as the pursuit of revenge or the need to demonstrate incompetence, the involvement of specialists becomes imperative.
This comprehensive approach acknowledges that children’s actions frequently stem from their innate hunger for recognition and acceptance. Parents can seamlessly transform the house into a nurturing space that fosters healthy behavior and emotional growth by tending to these underlying emotional needs. In embracing such an approach, the path is paved toward creating a learning experience that is not only positive but also profoundly productive.
