Early Intervention is Key & You Aren’t Failing as a Parent: Part Four The Top 10 Things I Wish I’d Known On My Child’s Mental Health Journey
From a mother who never imagined her once squirrely and sweet six-year-old would face such tribulations as an adolescent, I wish to share the lessons I’ve learned, the opportunities I wish had been presented to me, and the essential navigation tips that might not have prevented our situation but would have undoubtedly eased our journey.
If you suspect even a mild concern about your child’s mental health, please hold onto this list. You might not be ready to tackle it just yet, but if you’re reading this, it means you’re aware, and awareness is the first step. As a mother who was once not ready to face these realities, I implore you to save this list.
My child first started showing symptoms as an infant. I had no clue at the time that’s what I was seeing, I assumed it was just colic. As a toddler, everyone says to do timeouts but when we did timeouts it was an all out battle to go and stay in timeout. I read every book I could find and scoffed that they clearly had not met my child because the strategies were not designed for how his brain was wired. At that point, I wish I would have pushed more with the pediatrician.
When we did see the doc, I think shame and guilt had me minimizing what I was seeing when we saw the doctor. I thought the behaviors were a result of something I wasn’t doing right. My family and friends all had an opinion (insert eye roll here) that usually involved thoughts on how I should be discipling, dietary choices, tv time, but what they didn’t know was that my child had become my other full-time job and I WAS trying everything.
Had I been more upfront, shown up with my journal of what I was seeing, and pushed more with the doctor, we may have found out my child had Autism Spectrum Disorder earlier and started services a decade sooner. Note: Autism is a developmental disability versus a mental health diagnosis yet often they can coexist.
If you’re reading this and you’re in a place where you wonder if something related to mental health is going on with your child but you think it could also be other things that’s completely fair. Raising children is truly a journey and they do not come with manuals.
Here’s my best advice: If you are concerned, take them to your pediatrician for an honest conversation about what you’re seeing. I would ask for bloodwork to evaluate anything that could be mimicking your concerns such as a vitamin deficiency.
Unfortunately, mental health is so stigmatized that we as parents are conditioned into feeling like we have failed or something is “wrong” with our children if they have a mental health diagnosis or treatment. If your child had asthma would you be beating yourself up as a parent? If your child had juvenile diabetes would you be feeling like they just aren’t trying hard enough to do what they were supposed to be doing?
Remember mental health is a biological, medical condition. They do not choose this anymore than they would choose asthma or diabetes. If they need medical treatment, the best gift you can give them as a parent is getting it for them sooner than later. Research continues to mount that early intervention can drastically improve long term outcomes.
I spent a long time seeped in blame and guilt. I made countless excuses for what I was seeing until I ran out of excuses. I don’t hold any regret for our journey but if I could do it again I would have agreed to meds earlier, pushed for more support, programs, and resources.
Over the next few weeks join me in this series where I share each of the things I wish I would have known to hopefully help someone else along their journey.
