From Victim to Victor: 4 Questions to Conquering Anxiety’s Grip on Me
What ways does my anxiety lie to me?
It makes the worst-case scenario feel like it is more possible than positive outcomes.
It makes me believe I am not good enough.
It makes me believe that I am helpless.
It makes me shrink to fit other’s perceptions of me.
It invites fear in my heart and mind so that I do not make informed decisions.
It makes problems seem impossible to solve.
It inflates the truth.
It makes me believe I am not safe.
It beckons black and white thinking- it loves binary thinking like right and wrong, so it keeps me from seeing the middle ground choices.
It makes me think that I cannot achieve what I want to achieve.
It feeds my imperfections and negative thoughts to the point that I do not bet on myself.
What makes it so easy to believe what it tells me?
Low self esteem
Not being where I want to be in life
Criticism from childhood and adult hood
Bullies and tormentors in my life
Fear
Inviting the wrong people in my life and allowing them to take up space in my head
Foreboding and anticipatory grief that something will not work out in my favor because of so much negative outcomes in my life from risk taking
Believing that I do not deserve the life I want
Fear of being alone, not belonging
Living bereavement
Fear of success
Not taking care of myself
Being sick, in pain, hungry, angry, lonely, or tired
Fear of failure
Perfectionism
Exclusion
People Pleasing
Procrastination paralysis (where I procrastinate so much I enter the C-PTSD paralysis)
Smear campaigns against me
My abandonment woundings
My betrayal woundings
C-PTSD
Emotional neglect
Twenty years + of domestic abuse/post separation abuse/coercive control survival mode
Because it’s worked before
Do I find comfort in anxiety’s familiarity?
Sometimes, because I lived with it for so long. It used to be comfortable to play small, to play the victim, to believe things were happening to me and I was helpless. It was familiar to be in anxiety’s clutch but not healthy. I didn’t know how to break its curse. Until I did. Then it wasn’t comfortable. It made me sick of myself. So, I made a choice to break anxiety’s spell and my actions match that choice.
How can you work to breaking anxiety’s spell?
Anxiety is an emotion. Emotions are not facts. Emotions are temporary.
Now I know that anxiety doesn’t only come with terror and lack of safety, it also comes from bravery and sticking up for myself. And I know that feeling anxious is okay even when it doesn’t feel okay. I know my anxiety doesn’t define me. I know my anxiety brought many losses to my life.
I use self-love strategies and other wellness tools to help me overcome anxiety’s spell. I write. I make art. I keep getting out of bed when I don’t want to. I say no when I mean no. I take more chances on myself. I do deep breathing. I walk. I take time with decision making. I do things to stop my overthinking. I talk to friends. I go to counseling. I play with my son. I sing. I dance. I have fun. I take naps.
I am done letting anxiety rule the days, the hours, the minutes. I am done letting anxiety have the dominating say in what goes and what doesn’t in my life. I deserve better.
