My journey with mental-health disability
Intro. We’ve gotten much better at this as a society but mental health remains a huge stigma. People don’t mind talking about their visible injuries and disabilities but have a hard time talking about the invisible ones, including hearing disabilities and mental health disabilities. One tangible way in which this is *bad* for our society, especially workers, is that invisible work-related injuries happen over, and over, and over and people tend to be afraid of speaking up about it, for obvious reasons. It’s not an equal war. The laws protect the employers. Most employees are too vulnerable to stand up for themselves. Well, not this guy.
Background. Three months ago, I endured a serious mental-health condition. It was, by far, the hardest thing I had to persevere in my adult life, including immigration from my country to a country which prosecuted my people for generations. while my country was literally on fire🔥, doing a PhD at CMU while raising a child 👶 in a single-income home (i.e., the stipend), breaking up with people and being broken up with, signing a co-parenting agreement with a co-parent who really cares, and all the career transitions (pff). For the first time, I was not able to take care of my daughter (because I was not able to take care of myself). I’ve been through a lot of ups and lows in my life and this was, by far, the lowest point (to date 🤞).
The details. When you fall, it’s hard to make sense of what is happening around you. For a moment, you will feel lost and will have no clue where to go or what to do. Be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to grieve. Then stand up, dust off, and get to work. Here’s how I did it:
1. I had to recognize that I was mentally paralyzed, and that status quo is not a viable option. The hardest thing then was quieting the inner voice that told me “tough it out”, “don’t be weak”, “you got this”. After overcoming that, I had to persevere and overcome the mocking and gaslighting I received from other people who did not understand my invisible disability. Once I was able to ignore other people’s opinions and judgments, I was ready for the next step.
2. I needed to identify the root cause. Instinctively, it was obvious who the problem was, because every interaction with them exacerbated my condition. But it took a lot of deep conversations with my wonderful therapist Rachel Stapleton Counseling, PLLC to consider possible alternatives, and gain a solid understanding of the what and the why. The clarity was a huge relief because I finally honored myself and stopped thinking that I’m just crazy and it’s all in my head.
3. I had to block the problem people from inflicting more harm. This is tough because it meant I also had to cut off my only source of income. I am privileged to have saved most of the money I made at Google so this was not a big deal but it would have been a lot harder if I didn’t have the financial security to go on an unpaid leave. (What they don’t tell you as you sign up for all these benefits, such as short-term disability, is that they are extremely draining to claim and it takes a long time to get them approved, and you have to fight hard to stay employed until you get your claim approved.)
4. I found ways to temporarily reduce my obligations in life towards other people, especially my daughter, thank, to my wonderful co-parent. This was crucial because it meant I don’t have to feel guilty about neglecting my daughter’s needs.
5. I took good care of my physical needs. I regained my ability to sleep and eat healthy. I was able to get back on my workout routine.
6. I mustered the courage to reach out to more people who can help me feel connected.
7. I meditated, and meditated, and meditated, until I was able to find my purpose with clarity, for the next few years: reducing income inequality.
Conclusion. If you are suffering mental health condition, please know that you’re not alone, and that help is available but it’s hard to get, and the path to recovery is not straightforward but very worthwhile.
#mentalhealth
