Radical Kindness: 7 Ways of Surrendering Control for Genuine Connection
For People Who Want to Better Relationships
Have you ever witnessed a child being publicly humiliated by a teacher, yelled at or called names instead of being treated with respect? Have you observed a parent showing favoritism among their children? Have you personally experienced unjust treatment from peers or co-workers?
As a professional specializing in personal development and behavior, I have encountered shocking instances of deeply hurtful behavior. While I won’t delve into the painful details, I am compelled to address a pressing issue: the disparity between the kindness we advocate for and the unkindness we witness.
In my frustration with people urging others (esp. children) to “Be Kind” while neglecting to practice it themselves, I want to outline some essential criteria for genuine, profound kindness to exist:
- A Willingness and Readiness to Have an Open Mind: Acknowledge the possibility of being wrong or making mistakes. Understand that differing opinions don’t inherently make someone a bad person. Listening and respecting diverse perspectives are paramount.
- A Willingness and Readiness to Foster Tolerance of Differences: Respect the choices of others, recognizing that dissimilar decisions don’t equate to inferiority. Disliking someone is not a justification for disrespect or gossip. We are all equals; no one is inherently superior to another.
- A Willingness and Readiness to Avoid Assumptions and Judgments: Prioritize open dialogue over assumptions and fabricated narratives. Ask clarifying questions to understand situations, promoting understanding instead of quick judgments.
- A Willingness and Readiness to Strive for Fair Solutions: Acknowledge that multiple perspectives can coexist without one party being entirely wrong. Everyone is entitled to their truth. Engage in dialogue rather than assigning blame. Be transparent about emotions and concerns.
- A Willingness and Readiness to Let Go of the Past: Work on forgiveness, releasing grudges and resentment to pave the way for personal progress. Believe in the potential for change in others, meeting halfway in rebuilding trust.
- A Willingness and Readiness to Practice Self-Reflection: Recognize moments of projecting one’s behavior onto others. Ask introspective questions to be accountable for your role in both the problem and its solution.
- A Willingness and Readiness to Commit to Self-Improvement: Seek counseling, attend support groups, and take steps to heal from trauma. Focus on personal growth, examining your behaviors, motivations, values, and thoughts rather than fixating on others’ actions.
It’s crucial to understand that genuine kindness extends beyond mere manners and smiles; it requires consistent, purposeful action.
Kindness, in its truest form, is not merely a platitude — it is a dynamic and transformative force, shaping our interactions and relationships in profound ways.
** Please note: If you find yourself entangled in a toxic or having to communicate with a high-conflict person, these people will be unwilling to do this work unless they genuinely commit to change for the LONG TERM.
May peace be with you.
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