A Countdown for Reflection
This time of year is filled with countdowns as 2017 will change to 2018. I’ve never been one to really care to stay up till the stroke of midnight to do that whole deal, but counting down is a part of my life as a way to find calm and reflection.
The Child Countdown
I count from 5 to 0 with my daughter to calm down or take a pause whenever she’s overwhelmed or stressed. This is a countdown in a moment, an active working together as parent and child to diffuse a situation that could spiral and be harmful for us both.
5
Breathe deeply in. Hit that wall of awareness as you stop the momentum and the desire to surge forward.
4
You’re doing great. Keep your eyes locked on each other.
3
There’s a moment of difficulty, a desire to break out of the practice and move back into momentum. Resist.
2
Peace.
1
The end. Now what? We’re at peace and can move, but do we need to or want to? We are locked together in a moment of possibility, and together we will take the next breath and step. We smile, and our eyes crinkle in unison.
The Parent Countdown
As we move ahead from 2017 into 2018, I am taking similar pauses as a parent to assess the relationship I have with my daughter.
5
While the urge to surge forward without thought can exist, resisting allows both me and my daughter to momentarily reflect. While my daughter is not yet 4, she can still reflect for a short span if directed appropriately, and encouraging her to take a moment to reflect on the week, the day, or the hour creates a habit of active reflection that she can carry forward in her own life and in her mother-daughter relationship with me.
4
As much as parents may want to believe that they can determine the outcome of a parent-child relationship, the dynamics of that relationship are not entirely in our hands even from the beginning of that young life. We are locked in a relationship that can benefit or destroy us both if we let it, but we are active, not passive participants in the nurturing of that relationship. By partnering, being good partners for one another, we can work together, but if either side is bent on destruction, there will be no beneficial outcome. We lock eyes, hold hands, and work together in the small moments so that we learn to stride together for the big moments, too.
3
When things are going well, I sometimes have the desire to push more onto my daughter, to put her in an additional extracurricular activity, to take her on an adventure to experience something that she has never known before. These stimulations can be good in moderation, but if she is in a stable state of calm, my intentions can backfire and overwhelm her, setting us back. She needs those moments of calm and what I may see as ‘doing nothing’ as much as the stimulating activities like going to a museum. Sometimes, I need to resist, and just let it be.
2
I have an amazing relationship with my daughter. She is a wonderful little girl, and I am a good mother.
1
We have so many potential adventures ahead of us! In 2018 and beyond we may be able to share amazing experiences. I don’t know all of what we will do or where we will go. I know that there will be good days and bad. But, in this moment and at this point in our lives, the horizon looks bright and filled with opportunity for fantastic journeys together. Let us follow our curiosity and travel this world, keeping kindness and hope in our hearts.
