Rejecting Myths about What Life “Should” Be
An Idea Is Spread…
Growing up, there was one path of living as an adult that was acceptable: you marry, have kids, and then become a doting grandparent. All of this means that you are expected to stay married and at least try to have kids. Those couples who are unable to conceive are pitied and whispered about, but at least they are expected to try. And, if you deviate from this lifestyle, by getting divorced, realizing you’re gay, deciding not to have a family, or even doing things that seem like you aren’t ‘living right’, like going out as a couple on the weekends or vacationing without your kids, people wonder about you, whisper about you, pray for your soul and all of that religious, social nonsense.
Having only one kind of lifestyle as acceptable doesn’t leave much room for acceptance if people deviate, does it? Instead of keeping to these ideas, though, what if indeed we were rejecting the myths we grew up with?
…and Discovered to Be a Myth…
There are many paths in life, and I am grateful to be continuing to learn that there are more acceptable, happy paths than I had imagined. What a blessing to continue to learn.
…A Myth That Hurts People…
The lifestyle I was as the only acceptable one growing up made me think that once I was a parent, my life should focus on work and family, and while those are certainly big components of my life, they aren’t everything I can or even should do. It’s important to bring happiness to myself for the sake of my own pleasure and individuality, too. Whether it’s having dinner with a friend or hiring a babysitter so that I can go on a date at a rooftime movie showing, these experiences are good. Back in the small town I grew up in, I may be judged terribly if I chose to spend an evening on myself or even take my daughter with me to a fancy dinner. “Why is she spending so much?” “Why isn’t she setting a good example?”
So I Reject The Myth…
But, I would be setting a good example if these things are done in moderation. I’m not advocating partying all night or being needlessly extravagant. Letting my daughter see that I care about my own happiness lets her understand that her own happiness is important, too. There are so many news stories about moms helping their children develop positive body images. It’s also important to help children develop healthy lifestyle images as well.
…Because We ALL Should Reject It…
A healthy lifestyle includes the choices we make as well as ones that are made for us, too. For some people, the choices we as a society make have very negative consequences.
…And Realize Other Myths Surrounding Us and the Pain They Cause…
While June is celebrated as LGBT Pride month, all is not a celebration even after years of cultural improvement. Individuals who choose to love in any way other than heterosexual, married ways can still be persecuted and judged, even if just in the nasty social ways that small town life can be viperous.
There are also differences we encounter in life just through our skin. I grew up in a deeply racist home and town. I remember my mother telling me to get out of a swimming pool when a group of black kids arrived. She didn’t want me in the same pool water as them. I can’t imagine what it might have felt like as a black child overhearing that kind of blind hatred. I truly hope that they did not hear the cruelty my mother espoused. But, even if they didn’t hear that, I know that they lived with racism in other ways in that small town. That breaks my heart. The Daily Show has a heart-wrenching video discussing the verdict in the Philando Castile case .
Watch that, and then listen to Audre Lorde reading her poem “Power”. The text of the poem is here if you’d like to read along. That recording was made in 1977, 40 years ago, and unfortunately it could have been written today.
I Choose Love
There are more ways to live that lead to happiness than may be initially visible. There is more love in this world than appears on the surface sometimes, and I hope that by loving and accepting others regardless of their skin color, accent, sexual orientation, personal history, etc. that I help to make this world and this society a better place for our children to live. That continues to be my hope, and sometimes I encounter sparks of humanity that fan the flame of hope for more and yet more love in this world.
