Stop Publicly Griping about the Normal Effects of Being a Parent

A Short Backstory

Once upon a time, I had a home office that was just the way I wanted it. I had walls painted a pale shade of blue with white trim. A purple lamp and other purple accent pieces scattered throughout. A rustic cream settee with matching pillows, coffee table, side table, desk, and desk chair. In all fairness, the desk was technically a child’s desk. I am petite, and when I saw it on sale in the store, I said, “Why not?”

Then, one of the dogs ‘nibbled’ a bit of the back of the settee. But, since the damage was in the back, I set the settee against the wall, and no one noticed.

Then I had a baby, and the office that had been just mine became used also as a play area. Gradually, more and more childish things became visible, and shelves that had just had my books on them became used for children’s books as well as toys.

Today, my office looks like the image below. This is the untidy corner where all of the toddler things tend to be moved so that the dogs can still lay down on the rug when not being used for dress up, tea parties, and building airplanes. She really loves her power drill and taking apart her plane.

[caption id=”attachment_78521" align=”aligncenter” width=”410"]

My office used to be tidy[/caption]

Messy is Just Fine, Thank You Very Much

This is not the way that I imagined my office would look, but I love it because of the imperfection. The mess makes this office far from magazine perfection, and certainly at a certain point, the mess must be cleaned or I simply cannot get to the things I need in the corner. But, a mess to some degree is natural, the symptom of joyous playtimes and an active child. It is a natural symptom of having a little one. If everything were perfectly placed and ordered, that would be somewhat disturbing.

Each of us has a limited amount of time, so how we choose to spend our time at the end of the day matters very much. After I put my daughter to bed, is it more important for me to make sure that my office/playroom is super tidy or that I have some time to pay bills, take care of other necessary items, and get a chance to relax? I’m going to opt for the latter, preferably the far latter of actually getting in some time to relax if I can. Fifteen minutes even of just being able to read a book is bliss at the end of the day.

The Point

I often see headlines and Twitter comments from people complaining about the messes and ‘dreadful’ things that come along with parenting. There certainly can be some terrible things, like if your child is born with a disease or illness that is incapacitating, deadly, or otherwise detrimental to the quality of life. I find it very off-putting, though, to read about people complaining about the normal, unimportant side effects of having a child. If you choose to have a child, you accept the consequences of such things as…. having a house that is harder to keep tidy, having more spots or stains on clothing, maybe having to get up early on the weekends and actually parent rather than sleeping in and then grabbing brunch with your buddies all day.

Parenting can be difficult. It’s definitely an effort, but it’s also rewarding, similar to a job. If you think about parenting as a profession, and some people do consider that their real full-time job, would you want to only be publicly demeaning your work or complaining about normal aspects? Not likely. I don’t see doctors complaining about the “gross stuff” they had to deal with during a surgery or how nasty it is to see blood. Maybe it was gross or nasty, but they have the courtesy not to be publicly demeaning their patients. Let’s not demean our children by making them feel like they’re inconvenient or ruining our lives. Even if they can’t see what’s being said now, they may grow up to see, and if we’re saying that sort of thing publicly, we’re likely saying similar things so that they can hear. We’re better than that, and I’d like to see our children growing up in a more positive world.

Embrace the normal side effects of parenting, and see the beauty in what could be seen as ‘negative.’ We can always strive for perfection, but realizing that we can never really reach it gives us the freedom to embrace our humanity and accept ourselves as we are.