Treating Children as Experts

My job requires that I ask a lot of different folks to use their expertise in various ways, from training other people, writing documentation, explaining their projects, and more. I have my field of expertise, and I respect (as a default at least, until people prove themselves idiots) that they were hired because they were good at something. I don’t practice medicine on myself; I go to a doctor who was trained in the field. There’s a similar reliance throughout our everyday lives, from mechanics to teachers to cooks.

That kind of specialization frees us up to not have to be experts in everything as individuals, but it requires that we trust people.

My 2.5 year-old daughter is her own expert. I know a lot about her. I observe her. I see aspects of myself in her that she doesn’t really know what to do with yet (patience? good luck, kid. you got that terrible impatience from your momma. sorry). But, I am not her. I don’t know what goes on in her head or would make her happy at this exact moment.

I don’t think it’s outrageous to consider kids experts of themselves. If I want to understand why my daughter is upset, I ask her. She may not be able to tell me very easily, either because her vocabulary is still growing or because she’s emotionally immature, but by putting that question to her, I show her respect and give her the chance to prove herself capable.

If she isn’t ready to respond as needed or as appropriate, I can pull back into more of the guiding, mothering mode and take more control rather than letting her guide.

Give people chances to grow and rise to the occasion, and sometimes they will. Keep giving children these chances, and they grow into them. It also shows them respect. My daughter will always be my darling, but I respect her as an individual who not only shows me a perspective that I appreciate but also helps me learn and become a better mother and person.

Key items:

• Children are worthy of respect.
• They are experts of themselves and their worlds.
• Try talking to children as if they were as mature as adults. They definitely aren’t adults, but what happens if you give them the opportunity to be treated as one?
• How would you respond to a coworker who was having a similar emotional response (not the behaviors that result, like crying, but instead the emotion causing the reaction, like the anger, sadness, or desire to be silly)?