We All Need to be Babied Sometimes
Wanting to be Babied Isn’t Always Developmental Regression
My daughter recently turned three and is transitioning from the toddler to preschool class at daycare. She’s also been wanting to sleep in my bed several nights a week. Are the two related? Signs point to “yes.”
When we face big challenges or changes, we may revert to babyish tendencies. As my daughter is facing that big transition in her life of going to an older classroom, she may actually be really worried about it, even if she doesn’t voice it like an adult. Her insistence on sleeping with mommy may be a way for her to find comfort in this uncertain time.
“Your child may also have some questions or concerns about starting preschool, either before or after the program begins in the fall… In fact, letting children be “babied”… often leads to them returning to their “big kid” selves sooner. Remember that your child is facing — and managing — a big change in her life. She may need more support, nurturing, and patience from you while she makes this transition” (Lerner & Parlakian, 2016).
In Brazelton’s Touchpoints: Birth to Three, he discusses the different opinions on the subject of co-sleeping. Working parents can be more likely to agree to let a child sleep in the same room for their own reasons, feeling guilty over not having been around as much during the day as a non-working parent, but for a clue as to whether it’s really good for the child or counterproductive to his/her development, he recommends examining the child’s behavior during the day. Is the child independent during the day or reverting to babyish behavior during the day as well? If it’s limited to the nighttime sleeping arrangement, there isn’t a problem and the child is progressing normally with gaining independence. Needing comfort and coddling occasionally is nothing to be ashamed of or pushed aside.
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Bathtime for mommy! WHOOT! Treat yo self.[/caption]
Having been in rather stressful situations myself recently, you know what, I can appreciate and understand that. I can be the independent professional during the day, but in the evening, I want to take care of me a bit. Snuggling someone I love, taking a bath, reading a book, or watching some trashy television may not seem like regressions in adult behavior perhaps, but they are things I do for myself as comfort actions. So what if I want a piece of chocolate or to sulk in a tub for a bit? It makes it easier to get through the next day.
The Power of Peers
When I took my daughter to the aquarium a few months ago, there was a touch tank where people could touch small sharks. My daughter refused to acknowledge that she was at all afraid of the sharks, but she never would touch them. She voluntarily went to the tank area several times over the course of the day, and each time she got closer and closer to the tank and putting her hand in. I could tell she was nervous or scared, but she refused to admit it.
What is it in society that has already told her that there’s something unacceptable about being scared? Using the term “baby” as a negative term may contribute. Certainly her school friends influence her. However she’s getting the message, it was powerful to her.
And that makes me worried and intrigued about the other messages that she’s getting. Children are influenced more by their peers than by their parents in many cases (Paton, 2007).
So, while my daughter’s wanting to sleep with my may get me kicked in the ribs a few times, I cherish the snuggles I am able to get now before her peers potentially turn her into a terrible teenager.
For Further Reading:
- Brazelton, T. Berry. Touchpoints: Birth to Three. 2006 (Note: I highly recommend this book. Find it in a library or get your own copy if you can. It’s invaluable.)
- Lerner, Claire and Rebecca Parlakian. “From Baby to Big Kid: Month 36”. Zero to Three: early connections last a lifetime. 2016 May 16 https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/1277-from-baby-to-big-kid-month-36?
- Paton, Grame. “Children ‘learn most from peers not parents’”. 2007 Apr 26 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1549711/Children-learn-most-from-peers-not-parents.html
