Je t’aime… bien ?! When It Comes to Romance, the French Have It All Backwards
The French have a reputation for romance. This is the country of French lingerie, of Champagne and oysters (which are about as sexy as les escargots if you ask me), of the French kiss (which may or may not be French after all) and the Can-Can and the City of Love (aka Paris) and “La Vie en Rose”…
…and if we’re going to lay out every love-struck French cliché in existence, I suppose it would be rude not to mention “voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir”. Just please don’t ever actually use that as a chat-up line.
Then there’s the French language, which has been voted the world’s sexiest language multiple times.
But in honor of Valentine’s Day this Sunday (which the French celebrate with considerably less enthusiasm than the English), let me set the record straight on that last one.
Because the French may or may not be great lovers (we’ll leave that debate for another day), and the French language may certainly sound sexy, but it is most definitely NOT the language of love. Rather, it is the language of ambiguity.
You see, when it comes to matters of love, France does, in fact, mince its words, and if, like me, French is your second language, good luck navigating the dating scene without a few embarrassing French-language-related faux-pas along the way.
The problems start right from the first date. The premier rendez-vous, except that you could also be talking about a rendez-vous with your doctor for all anyone knows because, of course, there isn’t a word for ‘date’ in French. Sure, you could specify by saying a rendez-vous galant, except that only your grandmother would say that, or perhaps un rencard, but in the end even the French gave up on the whole idea of courtship and adopted the English word for ‘date’… but it’s un date not une date, which just means the date, and definitely not une datte, which is the fruit. Confused?
Don’t worry, it all gets much simpler once you start dating someone.
Except that it doesn’t because, naturally, the French language of love has no word for ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’.
You can have a ‘copain’ or ‘copine’ (boyfriend or girlfriend, respectfully), of course, but there’s no saying whether that’s a girl friend or a girlfriend unless you keep your ears peeled for the ‘mon’ or ‘ma’ possessive (and good luck trying to define that one if your partner of choice is the same gender as you). So, you can say ‘un petit-copain’ or ‘un petit-ami’ (literally, a ‘little friend’), which is fine if you’re a teenager but sounds somewhat creepy once you’re older than 30, or ‘mon amoureux’ which is something a small child might say, or ‘un compagnon’ which sounds more like the denomination you’d give your dog. The only solution is to get married — at least there’s no ambiguity with ‘mon mari’.
These aren’t the only areas of confusion. Because ‘les bises’ (the traditional French greeting) is not the same as ‘un bisou’ (a kiss), while ‘un baiser’ (another word for kiss) gets bumped up to a whole other meaning if you use it as a verb (you have been warned!). Being ‘célibataire’ has nothing to do with the English being ‘celibate’ but if you translate being ‘single’ to ‘seul’ you just sound lonely.
And while we’re on the subject of faux amis (those words that sound so confusingly similar to their English counterparts it’s as if they were designed to trick you), I should probably just point out that préservatifs are not the same as the preservatives that are put in food or the preserves you spread on your toast. Just saying.
But the prize for the most ridiculous of all French language paradoxes concerns those three little words.
Je t’aime. I love you.
So far, so good.
Just don’t try to add anything. Don’t try to tell your French boyfriend that you love him a lot, or that you love him so much. Because then you simply go back to being friends.
Huh?!
Yes. In French, “Je t’aime” means “I Love You”, while “je t’aime bien”, “je t’aime beaucoup”, “Je t’adore”, “Je t’aime énormément”… essentially any adverb that would under all other circumstances serve to strengthen and deepen the meaning of the verb, in fact, does the opposite and renders your love platonic.
Je t’aime = I love you
Je t’aime bien = I like you
Go figure.
So sure, the French language might sound sexy, but when it comes to the language of love, French have got it all backwards.
