Emergency Flares
Every day she wakes up, sometimes in her marital bed, sometimes in her maiden chamber, and sometimes on the cold stone floor of her mind with nothing to keep her warm but an exertion of will and determination to get up and get out and get away from this place, only to be held back by a wave of reason and sense and rude reminding that she has nowhere else to go, nowhere else to be, nowhere else to exist but this pillbox life that she has expanded for herself using her own hands that never were good enough at creating something tangible and up to code, but always suffered the disappointment of an infantile, almost Dunning-Krugerish result broadcasting its less than mediocrity at all lengths and frequencies like the loudspeakers in the demilitarized zone between disciplined tyranny and unwieldy democracy, one always convincing the other in an aggressive, outward direction, away from themselves never listening let alone attempting to cognize the opposing view because of the enormous stakes of their own frail and fraught position, the clay feet they chose to build their colossus on crumbling at the knees under the weight of their self-aggrandissement like Goliath felled by David and a single blow to the temple that changes every thought and every neural pathway from green to deep red only to then explode in a pyrotechnical kaleidoscope of experiences and sensations that could have been had but now never will to come to fruition because of the inherently hollow intention of swimming to somebody’s rescue with one’s heavy boots on thus proving that it is not what we say but how we act on those stated objectives and here she must admit that her track record leaves a lot to be desired because the fact of the matter is that she is still here, forever struggling to reconcile herself with her shortcomings and unkept promises and perceived slights inflicted upon her mostly by the reflection of the stranger who would surprise and even outright scare her with the deep, leathery creases and cracks that bore testament to a past full of trials that were never overcome and that she purposefully and with great effort had pushed into the closet of oblivion as it would otherwise gnaw at her heels and chest plate with the blind desparation of a pet rodent trapped in a cardboard box by a petulant and evil child releasing his pain and entitled self-pity through anger and menace now mostly as a lucky knee jerk but later when it becomes apparent that the world bows to humiliation and abuse much more than wisdom and merit will use this as a blatant weapon to bend his eager underlings backwards or over to tickle his every fleeting fancy no matter how petty and vengeful in the bathroom mirror upon which she has written sappy aspirational quotes so she can keep up the pretense of enlightenment though all that ever flashed before her eyes was the emergency flares calling out for help from her dark raft over the dark ocean under the dark sky full well knowing that she is too far away from anyone and especially herself for her cries to cast a sound to be heard.
