I see the world through distorted glass. Everyday I have to fight to leave my house. I don’t mean physically fight ninjas guarding my doors. It’s a mental battle. My home is a safe place and my distorted thoughts want me to stay there. Safe and sound.
“Tom” they say “As soon as you go out that door your in danger. The neighbors will see you. They hate you. They think your a bad neighbor. They wish you would move.” I tend to stay inside a lot in the evenings and on weekends because I’m afraid to interact.
It gets worse on the weekdays because I have to go to an office and sit in a drewbicle all day. Again the anxious thoughts “Tom, your going to get caught in a conference room full of people. Your going to panic and make a fool of yourself. Everyone will stare, some will laugh and think your an idiot. Your boss will hear about it and fire you.” Down a dark rabbit hole I go.
One of my big fears is writing, typing, doing tasks that require fine motor skills in public. I have no idea where this comes from but that’s what I’m dealing with.
One thing I’ve been doing lately to fight this fear is to write in public places. I go to a St Louis Bread Co (AKA Panera) or Starbucks and write. I write freehand cursive in a wide ruled notebook. I haven’t written cursive when I was a kid, but I think I’m getting good at it. It’s not much but it’s a stepping stone to bigger things.
So what? Right? I know there are many other thousands and millions of people that are held back by their own anxieties. I want to encourage them to face their fears so they can lead a more healthy life.
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