Tormented Forgiveness

A poem on the torment in forgiving

Years have gone past;
my memory is fading
But amidst the fog,
it pieces itself together.
It endures all the times I scribbled,
the times I smeared.
They are the parts I crushed,
the parts I buried.

They are the faces that shone,
the ones that moved on.
They are the faces that lived,
and the faces that will never cease to exist.

it’s okay;
it’s okay;
I always tell them

I look beyond the clouds,
right at the sun.

They were just children.
They were just having fun.

The sun glares;
it watches me stare back.
The skin on me chars.
The blood is red.
The soot is black.

The skin is breaking
and the blood is running.
But who am I to complain
when there are others still burning?

When the day ends,
Everything is painted in blue.
Even my vision is no longer red
The scars are not there,
for it is the night.

“I forgive, I forgive you.”
I reassured you.
I shouldn’t have blamed you,
for shining so bright.
I shouldn’t blame you for being you.

The moon hangs, the stars twinkle
But the light goes out,
and the clouds are back.

Rain pours down,
they collect in my eyes.

Dreadfully I felt the seconds tick by.
Soon enough the rain came to a halt.
The caps were twisted back on,
and the night was a lie.

Once again the sun goes on.
It does what it wants,
it gets what it wants,
But I was the prey,
the one that it hunts.

drip,

drip,

‘

‘

‘

The bottle was leaking.
I blew at the puddle.
The flowers were drowning.

I stopped where I lay
I looked at the sun.
I waited for the day that I’ll finally be done.
For the day it’ll all end.
For the day I’d succumb

But then dusk comes,
and the moon is gone.
The stars have disappeared
and the glass has broken.

The shards cut the grass.
They pierce through my flesh.

The puddle grew,
and it wouldn’t stop flowing.
A new face had emerged
A familiar face
with those glassy eyes
It was a face I failed to recognise.

“Forgive me, forgive me”
It pleaded, it begged.

Water trickled down my cheeks

‘

‘

‘

The caps were lost.

I stood up.

I wept.
I stared.
I glared.

‘No.’

Its features ignite.
They burn to ash.

I dare not forgive;
I dare not forget.