3. Mei Jin Ramen

“Do you ever feel like you’re doing it wrong?”

“Doing it wrong?”

“Yeah. You know. Life.”

I stare at the foam sitting at the bottom of my mug as I swish it around. Does anyone ever feel like they’re doing life right?

“Well…”

“I don’t mean from time to time, when things aren’t going well. But, constantly. A few times a week — a day even. Where you think, maybe I should be living this other way.”

“Doesn’t everyone feel that?”

“Do they? I don’t know. I mean, I get that social media skews things, but, even when I talk to people day to day, it seems like they’re generally satisfied, you know?”

“How do you think you’re doing it wrong?”

“Just — shouldn’t I be trying harder? To be better? There’s all this stuff I want to do and I just keep putting it off, you know? Like learning French, and updating my website, and building that restaurant list Open Table app.”

There’s a section for that in Barnes & Noble. Living Your Best Life. Two bookcases, shelves lined with instructions on how to be the best versions of ourselves. As if self-improvement was always as easy as making plans and following the steps.

“I guess? But, isn’t it more important to just know who you are?”

“Like — ?”

“Like knowing I can’t keep a Duolingo streak for more than six days. Or that I don’t care enough to figure out how Javascript works.”

“Okay, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try, does it? Yeah, sometimes we should give ourselves slack for not always measuring up, but — ”

“No, I get it. It’s the complacency factor.”

“The complacency factor.”

“You know, the fear of complacency. That if we’re not out there doing stuff, being better, striving for more, we’re just settling. And who wants to settle.”

“Right. But then what’s the alternative?”

“To settling?”

“To trying to be better.”

I glance around the coffee shop, at the people on their laptops, trying to get stuff done. To learn a new language, to build out their side projects. To write a novel. The frustration when we fail, the satisfaction when we succeed.

“I’m not saying no one should try to be the best version of themselves. It’s just — there’s so many versions of our lives we could be living, you know? Would rather be living. But thinking like that, it can drive you crazy. Constant decision paralysis. So for me, I’m picking my battles.”

“And choosing to be okay with not always trying to be better?”

“Yeah. Or at least not beating myself up over it.”

Because in my head, there’s already so many ways I’m doing life wrong. So many ways I’d rather be living.

There’s that saying though.

You can be anything you want, but not everything you want.

I’m still trying to figure that part out. Which anything, or anythings I want. Because you can probably have more than one.

But the absolute best version of myself?

I think I can let that one go.

Ramen: Spicy Chili Beef Ramen from Mei Jin Ramen, an UES locale with a variety of ramen on the menu, including a section with beef-based broth. The chewy, thin, wavy noodles were delicious. Not a big fan of the arugula though. 1574 2nd Ave, New York, NY 10028