These Are 7 Important Parenting Lessons I’ve Learned Over The Years
There’s no such thing as a parenting guide, but here’s what I’ve learned so far
Becoming a parent is one of the greatest joys of life. No words can describe the feeling when you hold your child for the first time. These tiny humans change your life forever; nothing’s the same anymore.
You find yourself doing things you said you wouldn’t do. You listen to ‘baby shark’ on repeat, you watch ‘Barney’ and sing ‘I love you, you love me.’ If you are somewhat of a bathroom singer, you find yourself singing rhymes instead of your favorite songs.
While preparing yourself for the parenting role, you read anything you can get your hands on; books, articles, and magazines. You google everything there’s to know about parenting, and you feel confident. You tell yourself, ‘I’ve got this,’ but you have no idea what you’ve signed up for.
Everything will feel different when you become a parent, and you’ll wonder whether you missed out something. You find yourself clueless at times, unable to figure out how a child can make you feel so many different emotions all at the same time.
The English poet John Wilmot sums up the parenting process,
“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.”
Parenting Attitudes
With the first child, it’s usually a trial and error method of parenting. You learn the do’s and don’ts over time and realize that those won’t apply to the second child. You can never follow a parenting guide and do things ‘by the book’ because every child is different. While your child grows, you also grow as a parent.
Your cautious attitude shifts to a more relaxed and calmer attitude with time. Things that caused you to panic with the first child don’t seem too threatening when you have your second child. It’s like somebody telling you that your child is eating mud, and you think that’s not that bad, and I’ve seen worse.
Questions
Children have curious minds, and they ask questions, a lot of them. A study revealed that children ask parents an average of 73 questions a day. You have to be prepared for the bombardment of questions.
In time, you’ll become a walking encyclopedia and have answers for questions you didn’t even think existed.
Behavior
One of the most challenging aspects of parenting is to predict how your child will behave in public because you never know with children. They could be fine one moment and start throwing a tantrum, the next. You will spend the rest of the time figuring out what went wrong while trying to calm them down.
Remember when you used to roll your eyes at a parent whose child was throwing a tantrum in the grocery store; well, you are that parent now. Always be patient with parents who are dealing with outraged children; they’re already stressed. Besides, karma has a way of getting back to you.
There are other times when your children will put up an excellent display of manners and behavior in front of others, so much so that you doubt they are the same kids who were fighting with each other at home.
I have learned that you should not talk about what your kids like to eat and what they don’t, in front of other people. Why? Because most of the time, they prove you wrong.
I was once caught in an embarrassing situation. We were at a picnic with some family friends, and one of them offered a banana to my four-year-old son, who didn’t like eating bananas. I told her he didn’t like bananas. As soon as I said this, bananas were his favorite fruit. He ate three there and then. I was told, ‘don’t be too strict’ and ‘let him eat if he wants to.’
Sibling fights
Sibling arguments and fights are proof that everything’s normal. During these, you play a referee's role, and no matter how honest you make decisions, somebody will always blame you for being unfair and biased.
They don’t need a good reason to argue; in fact, they don’t need a reason at all. It could be the most trivial of things that will turn into an argument.
Erma Bombeck describes this perfectly,
“It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.”
I find it more suspicious when my kids aren’t arguing; I usually ask them if everything’s okay. Most of the time, they try to use their good behavior as a bribe in return for a favor.
Manipulation
Children are master manipulators. They know the art of taking advantage of situations.
For instance, you’ve already said no to one of their demands; they’ll ask you again in front of guests. You can’t react. You try to control your anger and give them ‘the look’. But it won’t work, because they will make sure there’s no eye contact and from there on will pretend that you aren’t in the same room with them.
There’s no Point Arguing
You can’t reason with a child who believes his sandwich becomes less if it is cut in rectangles instead of triangles. Kids have their own system of weight and measurement.
Commonly Used Words
I’m coming
Seems obvious — they’ve heard you call out their name and they’re coming. But what they actually mean is I’m still where I was, and I haven’t moved an inch. I’m just hoping you’ll forget why you called me in the first place.
Whatever
This is used to respond when kids are too pre-occupied and have no clue what you just said. This one really pisses parents off. According to a Marist College Poll, no wonder it has been voted as the most annoying word for nine consecutive years.
Don’t Worry/No Problem
These always have an opposite effect on the parent. When your kids tell you not to worry, that is when you worry the most. You prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario and hope everything stays fine.
Final thoughts
Parenting is a roller coaster ride, with its highs and lows. Sometimes you’re happy, excited, and relaxed. Other times you’ll find yourself feeling exhausted, irritated, and frustrated.
But at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. When they put their arms around you and give you the warmest of hugs, there’s no better feeling than that. You’ll realize that the enormous amount of love that you have for them, it grows every day.
“There really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.” — Anne Lammot
