*Thump*

Today marks my twenty-eighth birthday and I sit here somewhat impatiently. I am strapped to a seat in the middle of the middle isle on a direct flight from San Francisco to Sydney, my birthplace and home of my childhood memories. The seat itself isn't much to look at: standard Economy fare on a Boeing 747, the most proliferous of commercial airliners and a marvel of modern engineering.

*Thump* *Thump*

A few years ago some smarty pants from Airlines HQ took note that the first row of any isle has wider openings and, being a smarty pants, realized that certain passengers would pay more for the distinct pleasure of an additional four inches of legroom and nobody in front of them to admonish them for stretching their legs.

Though subtle, the effect of this policy was to create a sub-class between the "haves", who pay ten times that of a regular passenger, the have-nots, and a group slightly elevated above economy fare with whom they are co-located. I shall refer to this small group as the “god-dammit-I-refuse-to-endure-this” class; their stature is gained through parting with a crisp hundred dollar bill. The creation of the god-dammit-I-refuse-to-endure-this class also had the effect of creating a chasm between profiteering and common sense, but I'll get to that in a minute.

*Thump*! *Thump*! *Thump*!

My bitterness is far too exaggerated for you to feel any sympathy for me. I was one of those who spent years exploiting this knowledge gap through intentional seat selection or a brief explanatory phone call: “Yes, I have a broken coccyx” (partially true). “Why yes, I am tall, and would welcome the legroom” (also true, but not excessively so).

*Thump*

Short people may never fully understand this sense of entitlement, mistakenly believing we are all equals inhabiting the same bubble of the space time continuum, hurtling above the Pacific Ocean on a similarly low-priced air fare. Dear friends (for I shan’t dare label any group simply for being shorter than myself), these seats are built for the average and in that average, airlines have missed many variables - not least of which are the spatial realities of tall people. But my intent here is not to argue or provoke, and we are certainly getting off topic …

*Thump*! *Thump*! *Thump*! *Thump*! *Thump*! *Thump*!

Oh yes, THAT is why we're here! That damned infernal thumping from the seat behind me. Not by accident but by some small measure of misfortune, I find myself on a sixteen hour flight caught between a two-year-old and his tantrum. Happy birthday Eoin, just be thankful he isn't yours.

I say not by accident because prior to the new pricing policy, the standard routine was that of common sense: “Oh, you have children? Let's get you some extra space...” , followed by a routine “excuse me sir, would you mind switching seats so this mother and her child can sit here?” And who could say no to that? But now they can of course, because they have paid for the privilege.

Social decency is lost.

In addition to the suggestion of repealing this recent cash-for-legroom policy, might I propose the creation of a new system of priorities:

1. Disabled people.
2. Mother and child.
3. Tall people.
4. Everybody else.

*Thump* *Thump*