Finding A Human Connection in Disconnecting Times
Synchrony and the pillars of interpersonal connection.
Our singular experience as individuals and interpersonal relationships with others are central to the human experience. We are all living our own lives having our own singular experiences. Yet, the nature of interpersonal relationships starts with a desire to connect, to engage intensely with another person to the point where you achieve spiritual or emotional synchrony. It’s a feeling as much as it’s an experience. Being on the same page as someone, the same wavelength means understanding them on a deeper level, knowing what they think, how they feel, and how they will act.
This need to achieve synchrony with others is part of our desire to be understood. This instinctual desire for understanding, for shared experiences, is, for some, insatiable. In these moments of interpersonal connection, mutual understanding, and thought, all relationships are formed. It is the seed of community and civilization. It is in this moment that significant change can occur when deep personal healing can occur.
As innate as the desire for interpersonal connection may be, the realization or actualization rarely comes without struggle. What comes with a profound and deep connection with others is a vulnerability and risk that their weakness might be used against them. Trust is the only real antidote to fear. Courage can help us to overcome our fears, but only trust can dispel them.
Consider how you feel when you get to know someone for the first time and begin to trust them with truths about yourself that may make you feel vulnerable. That confusing moment of excitement and fear is precisely what I mean when I talk about the conflicting desire to have deep connections with others and fear what that entails. We don’t tend to bare our souls to strangers, we. We protect ourselves and others from the painful truths that might lie just beneath the surface of an otherwise well-managed life. We can put on a brave face to get through the day because that’s what’s expected of us. After all, the alternative is untenable, when the fact is sometimes we’re not okay, and it’s okay to be not okay sometimes, but it is through our connections with others that we heal. So how did we get here, and how do we overcome our fears of connecting with others to satisfy our intense need to join?
It begins by acknowledging the culture that many of us live in, were shaped by, and in many ways can never escape from. Some people don’t know how to be vulnerable, to show themselves to others fully and transparently. We are born into a society with boundaries and are taught the limits of acceptable and respectable behavior. And there is a need for boundaries and to protect yourself from parasitic, wounded people that will drain your energy and poison your spirit. But it is vital to practice openness with others, to be vulnerable while still protecting yourself and your solitude. This push and pull between competing desires that are both innate and necessary for living a full and meaningful life is part of the regulatory dynamic that exists within us. Only by modulating this dynamic regulation can we achieve a healthy balance between being open and connecting with others and protecting ourselves from abusive or one-sided relationships.
It’s natural to want to take what is given. It can feel as if some relationships can suck you dry, leaving you feeling emaciated and used, but this is one of the hazards of life. Learning to live with it is one way we cultivate wisdom and maturity in ourselves. Recognizing the boundaries of the world we live in, knowing when to push those boundaries, when to ignore them, and when to see them be changed by an individual or collective acts of bravery.
This brings us back to our original question, how do we provoke or promote behaviors that result in the kind of productive interpersonal connections that result in deep synchrony between individuals or groups to build community, heal from trauma and become more complete versions of ourselves? There’s no simple answer to this question, and the fact is it will be different for each person and every situation. What works for one person or one group may be disastrous for another. This need to be adaptive, responsive, and reactive is at the nexus of evolution and our development as a human being. What it begins with is cultivating a sense of openness and vulnerability while at the same time nurturing our resilience and anti-fragile nature, which allows us to confront challenges and opportunities without fear, confident that even bad experiences will be learning experiences that will promote our ultimate desire to connect and be understood by others.
One way to do this is to start with the foundation upon which we build our lives. That includes diet and exercise, emphasizing whole foods, mostly vegetables, and not too much. Exercise every day and practice mindfulness and a healthy mental attitude. Be open to new experiences but respectful of rational boundaries. Build on positive experiences and use supplements to support healthy habits.
Use Randy’s Remedy consistently and regularly to support a healthy immune system and central nervous system. The endocannabinoid system is responsible for modulating the regulation of homeostasis in the body, and by supporting a healthy endocannabinoid system, you encourage good health and quality of life. For more information about Randy Remedy products, visit www.randysclub.com
