Love, huh, What is it Good For?
Absolutely everything.
What do we mean when we say we love something or more importantly someone? Is it the same as admiration, or mere attraction? Magnets are attracted to other magnets but I don’t think they love each other. Love is a kind of attachment to another person that involves a complex choreography of chemicals that transform our brain into something that can’t imagine existing without the reciprocal love of the other person.
I think a lot of people struggle with finding love because it is something for which there is only one word to describe it; love. Since we don’t have a broad depth of language to describe the experience of love we turn to meaningless metaphors and poetry. We express our love as some blossoming flower or verdant meadow. What is interesting to me is that there is clearly an internal language that is shared between two individuals in love. Even more interesting is that this internal language has likely to have been experienced by anyone who has ever been in a loving relationship and knows what it means to see a person for who they are and not who they present themselves to be. Being in love is a naked experience, you are exposed in ways that reveal fundamental and even existential vulnerabilities. The people you love are always in the best position to hurt you and you them.
Love and Language:
Language was designed for meaning, not speaking. While earning my degree in Philosophy at the University of California, Davis, I became inspired by the teachings of Noam Chomsky, an MIT linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, historian, social critic, and political activist. His ideas about the origins of our language impact how we understand things, including love. His ideas about a universal grammar both help us to understand why it is so hard to communicate our true fears, hopes, and desires. And give us hope that we might one day find a way to communicate meaning without having to use words and grammar that always seem to fall short. We can’t help that our language is still developing a bit behind what we mean and understand. Like children who are still learning to read, it is often necessary to translate and explain the deeper meaning of words so that they can be connected with an understanding that already existed.
Sometimes we can be upset by the ignorance or inconsiderate acts of people we love. It is even understandable that we would want to hit back with an equal and opposite reaction. After all that is Newton’s Third Law; “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. But what happens when two objects collide and abide Newton’s Third Law? Both absorb the impact and are often destroyed by it. True love doesn’t follow Newton’s Third Law, in fact love abides. Love seeks the deeper physics that underlie the fact that existence seems infinitely less probable than non-existence.
Love and Anger:
Love meets anger with understanding. Love shows generosity to weakness and charity towards fault. Generosity is our way of recognizing the other frailties. That we all make mistakes does not mean that we are all sinners or failures in any grand sense. It is our faults that make us perfect, our ability to direct the inevitability of change to that make us able to progress so things are better. This is the fundamental expression of love.
Love and Weakness:
It’s not enough to be admired, adored, or even attracted to another person. Because as gratifying as it is to be the recipient of such adoration it is the kindness in response to our own weakness that will most inspire a loving response. Anyone we love will, over time, require a great deal of patience, understanding, and generosity. These things should obviously be reciprocated, and as any relationship grows and mature, the need for patience, understanding, and generosity should not be seen as a sign of weakness but as a sign that the relationship is of value and worth preserving as only love can, by abiding our weaknesses with strength and showing tenderness to hostility.
Me, You and Us:
Love is hard work. And although it may not always be worth it, it is always worth it to try. Because when you find love and work at it you learn how one plus one can make three: me, you, and us.
