Its My Fault
By Kaleb Knowles
Edited by Aniria Williams, Ruquayya Sajjida, David McConico
Knock knock knock, I awoke from my sleep to the sound of pounding on my hotel door. Remaining silent, I stared at the ceiling hoping whoever it was would just go away. However The knocking did not stop and finally I leaned up and screamed “stop knocking I’ll have the money for the room later damn.” Finally the banging ended.
I sighed and made my way over to the bathroom mirror. I looked like shit, My eye liner was running and my lipstick was smeared across my lips. I splashed water in my face, then looked down at the marks on my arm. Undoing the band on my biceps, I began to cough.
The knocking then started again. I screamed frustrated trying to stop my coughing “stop knocking on the damn door. I said I will pay rent later.” But it was silent outside. I then heard a deep male voice in my bedroom say “I don’t think they can hear you.” I turned to see a tall dark man sitting on my bed. I asked “who the fuck are you and why are you in my room?”
The man stood up and took off his trench coat and said “Oh you know me, you blame me for everything Sarah.”
I asked “what the hell are you talking about? Get out of my room now before I call the cops.”
He smiled and said “Look I would love to leave but neither of us are going anywhere until my boss lady shows up.” The man then flashed a pistol on his waist line as pulled out a cigar and lit it.
Nervously I asked “who is she and what does she want with me? Are you with Rico because I will pay him back on Wednesday I’ve got two guys coming by my room tomorrow.”
He said “sit down I am not here for all that and you definitely never met her so don’t worry. She will explain when she gets here. I’m just here to make sure you do not leave, whatever she chooses to do with you is on her.” He then pointed at a chess board I had on the ground and said “care to play a game until she gets here?”
If he was going to hurt me he would have already and plus it is not like I could run away from him if I wanted, he would just shoot me if I ran anyway. I made my way over to the board and picked up the pieces and placed it on the bed. The knocking continued and the both of us looked at the door.
He said in his mellow voice “ignore them it will stop you ready to play”
I wanted to scream for help but instead I asked “what if it’s your boss?”
He smiled and said “she has a special knock; we just have to listen for it.”
We then started playing and we really did not say much. I looked around the room trying to avoid eye contact with my captor. My eyes kept dancing around the room always finding its way down at the pistol on his waist. I was the first to lose a piece. He frowned and said “you lost a piece.”
“It’s just a pawn,” I said, trying to bluff with confidence, considering the situation.
He looked at me with a confused look and said “so you the type who has no problem throwing away something that’s not of much use to you.”
He had no Idea I had sat him in a trap and I took his piece. I then said “I will give up a pawn to take a bishop any day, it’s how you win.”
He looked up from the board and took a deep tug on his cigar. He then said calmly “I hate people like that.”
I raised an eyebrow and said to him “it’s just a game man.”
He then pointed to a picture on my wall and asked “is that your daughter?”
I didn’t want to answer him but I didn’t really have much of a choice, I said “yes that’s my daughter Mariah.”
He said “she is beautiful, how old is she?”
“Five” I said with a shaky voice.
He tugged on his cigar and asked “does she live here with you?”
I chuckled “do you honestly think someone like me would be allowed to raise a kid? They took her when she was 3 months old.”
He said keeping his eyes on the gameboard "I’m sorry, do you ever get to see her?”
“Every once and awhile my sister gained custody of her and she wont let me see her because she hates me.”
“She sounds like a bitch,” he said exhaling with a straight face. It was weird I could not help but grin when he said that.
I asked “do you have any children Mr.….?”
“World, just call me World.” He moved a piece and took my queen. He said “ and no I don’t have any children, I’m to busy.”
His phone then started to ring and he stood up and made his way over to the mirror. I noticed that he had his back turned to me. Knock Knock Knock, the knocking started again. I looked over at World, he was busy on his phone and did not seem to notice the pounding. I slowly made my way over to the door quietly, thinking finally this is my chance and I started to reach my hand out to the knob. Suddenly I felt a warmth on my arm and World threw me back. He said in an angry voice “do not open that door.” The look in his eyes was terrifying. I was sure I was about to die.
I pulled my hand back and started to rub it. The knocking then stopped, World sighed and lit another cigarette and moved over to the bed. He sat back down and said calmly “Sarah let’s finish our game. She is on her way.” I nervously made my way over to him and sat down. We played for what felt like forever not really saying much. Until finally after a while he stood up and said “she is here.”
I thought to myself, is he hearing something I didn’t even hear a knock. He made his way over to the door and opened it. A beautiful black woman walked in. Her eyes shined like amber and her lipstick was a fiery color of red. She walked over beside my bed and sat on a chair.
She reached out her hand and said “I am Reality Jones it’s so finally nice to meet you Sarah.” I looked at her hand and said nothing. I thought to myself I’m not shaking your damn hand. She continued to smile and withdrew her hand and said “I apologize I’m so late I was caught up with work I am a busy woman I’m sure you can imagine. Thank you World go wait for me in the car please.” The man nodded and put on his coat. He then walked over to me and said “checkmate” and moved his piece on my king’s spot and made his way out the room.
I thought to myself that jerk couldn’t just leave it as a tie but I didn’t say anything. I mean I could care less about that dumb game. I was more focused on this woman. I knew her from somewhere I just could not place it.
She interrupted my thoughts and said all nonchalant like “don’t feel bad he is really good at chess. I’m actually the only one who he has ever lost to, then again I’m undefeated”
I looked at her and finally lost it. I Screamed at her, “Are you going to kill me or what, why are y’all messing with me?”
She smiled and said “well not really I’m actually trying to help you.”
“Help me?” I asked, confused, “you hold me hostage in my room all day, that’s not the kind of help I need.”
She was quiet and looked down at my arm. She then said “I don’t think you know exactly what kind of help you need.”
Angered I said “I get it now y’all are with the church, y'all trying to make me go back to rehab or something?”
She chuckled and said “we are not with a church but I would highly recommend you looking into a treatment.”
I looked down avoiding eye contact and said “why should I, nobody care about me.”
She looked at me and said “Sarah you know that ain’t true what about your Daughter?”
“ It doesn’t even matter my sister won’t even let me see her.”
“Why is that Sarah?”
“I don’t know because she hates me or something.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because Mariah is mine and she can’t handle it that’s why.”
Reality gave me a funny look and said “Or maybe because she does not want Mariah to see you in this kind of state you are in. Trembling with anger I thought to myself this bitch over here acting like she knows me.
She then grabbed my hand and walked me over to the bathroom counter and said angrily look do you see that? This is the cause of all your pain, not nobody else stop blaming your sister. You are the one who chose to do drugs, You choose that drugs are more important than your daughter and most sadly of all you chose that drugs are more important than yourself. So stop looking for someone else to cast the blame on and take ownership of your own problems.”
I looked at her and gritted and screamed until my throat hurt. “bitch you don't know me and don’t sit here like you do I’ve had a harder life than anything you can imagine, the things I’ve had to do to survive you could not even dream of so you can shut your mouth.
The woman sighed and said “look Sarah, life sucks sometimes people are dealt bad terrible hands but we have to make the best out of those cards. You have no control over anything in life except your reaction to everything. Now there is a clinic that I can take you to, do you want help or not? I’m not going to sit here and hold your hand, It’s time for your reaction.”
I looked at her for a second and heard the knocking on my door again. This time I could hear voices on the other side. They screamed “Clayton County police open up.” The woman said what is your choice Sarah? I turned from her and walked over to the door I screamed as I swung open the door. I said ‘help, this woman is holding me hostage.”
Four cops ran right through me as if they did not see me. “I said hey did you not hear me?” The cops said nothing, they just looked around the room and then I saw it. My body laying on my bed with the syringe still in my arm. I heard one of the officers say to another she overdosed this morning from the looks of it sir.
I turned and looked at reality leaned up against my counter. I asked “what is this?” She said “I think y'all call it a health and welfare check up. It seems Your sister called them because you were not answering your phone, you know the one who hates you.”
It was as if Ice went up my spine when I heard what she said next.
“Looks like you’re dead Sarah.”
“Did y'all do this to me,” I screamed?
She pulled out a cigarette calmly and lit it. She then said “No, the reality of it is fault always falls on those who never accept it. It’s too late to accept it now.
Kaleb Knowles is an emerging writer from Atlanta, GA. He is currently enrolled in Spalding University's creative writing. His preferred genres are Fiction and Creative non Fiction and paints in his free time. To see more of his work check out his Instagram at @kalebknowlesart.
