The Trouble With Women -The Things That Stop Us Achieving Our Very Best

There is a powerful revolution currently taking place. For once and for all, everyone seems to be driving the change we need to see when it comes to gender equality. It is an exciting time, but also slightly depressing, for this new awareness is highlighting just how ingrained some of our skewed thinking has become. It is fascinating to see how accepting we are of a twisted ‘normality’ and the behaviours and attitudes that shape it.
Whilst the world has certainly been created, and largely run, by men, they do not deserve to shoulder all of the blame. Women need to take a good look at themselves to see what they need to change which is contributing to us being held back.

Here are 5 things we need to do differently if we want to make sure the world is changed for the next generation of girls -

Dial Up The Confidence
So, where, exactly, were the majority of women when confidence was handed out? Through my work for SheSays (the largest global creative network for women in the creative industries) I see time and time again talented women but little or no confidence in themselves. They are totally unaware of just how amazing and talented they are and could be.
I have no idea why this has become so ingrained and I am sure that campaigns like ‘Ban Bossy’ are doing their best to see if we can change this. But is it nature? Or is it nurture? This is a question that is difficult to answer right now but, regardless of what has been instilled in you, you can change the way you think. If you want to be more confident then do it! Fake it until you make it. Acting confident will help you to achieve it. It doesn’t come over night, but by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, a little bit each day, you will soon see how much you are able to change the way you think. Even the most experienced CEO will still have a crash in confidence but, the difference is, they will be brave enough to push on regardless and refuse to be beaten by the voice in all of our heads that says ‘you can’t’.
We Care Too Much
Women are nurturers — it’s one of our greatest differences from the men. In a world where businesses now understand that they have to value their employees, this skill becomes much needed in the workplace. But what can be your greatest strength can also become your greatest weakness. Women can care too much. Is this possible and is this really negative? Yes — it doesn’t mean you have to stop caring but it does mean that you shouldn’t put other peoples needs ahead of your own. Nurturing and developing others to see them blossom and achieve is fantastic but not at the expense of your own recognition and value — especially in the workplace.
Our caring of others can go one stage further — caring about what others THINK of us? This sort of caring is in very dangerous territory which can erode your self esteem and self worth. I like this quote from Martha Graham -

“What people in the world think of you is really none of your business”.

Never put your valuable self esteem into the careless hands of others.
Gain The Recognition You Deserve
Changing the workplace from it’s traditional male culture to one that recognises male and female values is going to take some time. Currently the only women who seem to be really succeeding in the workplace are ‘alpha’ females. They clearly show the familiar (male) traits everyone is used to seeing in business. Now, I am not advocating we all try to become ‘alpha’ women as I want to see recognition for female traits in the workplace, BUT while we wait for this shift to happen, do not allow yourself to get passed by for the recognition you deserve.
Women are notoriously uncomfortable with recognition and compliments. We are the last people to ‘PR’ ourselves. The consequence of this is that so many women are working really hard and getting overlooked, or letting others (probably men) take the recognition instead.

Keep a record of what you have achieved — big or small — and bring this up in any review meetings you have with your employer. Next time someone gives you a compliment, or some praise, take note of how you respond. What do you say? How do you say it? What is your body language like? If you reject the compliment learn to do the opposite. Start by saying a simple ‘thank you’ next time and see how much better it feels.

Support Other Women
Why do women appear to be in competition with each other? We seem to be competing for everything — men, beauty, fashion, how fat/thin we are, parenting, children, work roles — it seems to be never ending and it has to STOP. If we are going to really make sure the revolution continues and make a change happen we need to start being on our own side.
Feeling threatened by someone says much more about yourself and your own insecurities than it could ever say about the person you feel threatened by. Build your own self-esteem so you can change those negative emotions towards an individual to ones that are more positive. If you feel threatened by someone at work you can either work against that person and stop her from being as successful — or you can help, support and encourage her. Being recognised for playing a big part in someone else’s success journey will bring you far more satisfaction than hindering her progress could ever do.
Supporting other women should not be confused with telling them ‘how great they are all looking this evening’ at an event or conference. This may sound like a comedy sketch but I see this happening time and time again. How can we complain that we are too readily judged on the way we look and then reinforce the opposite by having conversations about our appearance in the very scenarios where we want to see change? Be mindful of the way you talk to other women and notice just how ingrained the stereotypical thinking has become in all of us and BE the change.
Family Responsibilities Are Not Just Down To Women
Amongst all the talk of gender equality the one topic that doesn’t seem to change is the conversations around family. Family responsibility seems to fall entirely with the women. Until we start challenging businesses to be more flexible so that men AND women can have joint responsibility for family life, we are going to see far too many women sacrificing their careers to bring up their family. Women have to be the driver of this change — let’s get more partners to play a bigger role in family life and force their employers to change the way they work too.