LEARN TO SAY NO
Cliched but a life-changing lesson
I was an ass-kisser. Yes, you read it right. An ASS-KISSER, An obsequious sycophant. A Yes man — more of an euphemistic word for my glaring attribute.
Why I was so, I never bothered to spare my attention. All I knew was to please people to gain favour in the illusion that I would, someday, benefit from their grace. In that eternal hope lived my actions — actions that insinuated my helplessness and subservience.
Saying yes to anyone and anytime made people to take me for granted. Every one had always had their own work kept aside for me. Whereas, I miss took it for being their troubleshooter. I often, while occupied with somebody’s work, forced a smile to convey that I drew pleasure in helping others. Most of the time, that smile came at the cost of my own money, time and more importantly — self esteem.
I danced to please their tunes, laughed to satisfy their jokes and amused them to be one among them.
When I had an epiphany, I gave it a thought. But did not shun away from being a ‘yes man’. I realized, my actions over the years to please people had caused a deep conscious crisis that, even, if I wished to refuse to their demands, it came out as a feeble, hesitant ‘Yes’, rather than an assertive ‘No’.
It had to stop somewhere, and it stopped in a disaster.
It was my degree final year exam. Only left with a few more minutes before the closing bell rang; I was fussing and fidgeting through papers when a friend of mine asked for some help in spite of the presence of a proctor. I pushed my answer sheets below the bench, although I knew what the consequences would be if get caught. I did not dare say — no.
I was caught and debarred from taking further examinations.
Saying ‘no’ would have been hard, but It would have saved me then. Although, I cleared my exams in the next cycle, that incident left a long lasting impact.
No — is a monosyllabic word. But it takes a lot to say it for the one who is not accustomed to. It is just a thin film of air that separates one from being a benevolent to sycophant. Learning which one to deny and which one to accept is the catch.
The ideal matters to say ‘no’ would be the ones who bring, either directly or wrapped in wool, hurt and harm to your mental, physical or material possessions. It doesn’t matter if it wrecks your relationships. But, at least it saves you from the agony of self-deprecation.
It is always better to ‘don’t do’ than ‘do and repent’.
There are many ways to deny it. An outright, in-the-face ‘no’ — if you don’t bother about the afterwards consequences or feelings of the other person doesn’t matter to you. A polite ‘no’: for the close ones, dodging ‘no’, deflecting or parrying ‘no’, apparent ‘no’. Choose as per the situation demands. A plain, solemn ‘no’ suits many situations: from the love proposal to business overtures, from avoiding mundane chores to the sexual advancements of a colleague.
Sudden rebuffs may attract some strong reactions, or even some people may look in askance, but it would at least mean that resistance won’t be taken for falling out of character.
To help others is by no means a wrong gesture of humbleness and benevolence. But harming oneself to please others is definitely alarming. So, offer a helping hand whenever possible and, don’t hesitate to say ‘no’ if you feel like saying so.
