Ray’s Life Story
Published in

Ray’s Life Story

Introduce my ways about how to manage stress

Do you have your own methods to reduce or eliminate stress? Do you have you own way how to manage your stress effectively? So many people are suffering from stress, and probably many of them, include me, don’t know effective and right methods to reduce their stress.

Let’s imagine what situations makes us feel stress. What is your stressors? Hard work at office, conflict with colleagues, family or friends, and gap between reality and dream, and so on. There is a saying, “The reason of all kinds of diseases is stress. This mean how to manage stress effectively is most important thing in our life. Today, I will introduce my own methods for manage stress.

1. My definition of stress

There are so much types of stress in the world and perhaps, each people have different definitions of stress. Here are my definition of stress.

1) The gap between ideal and reality

My first definition of stress is ‘the gap between ideal and reality’. We usually get stress when we not achieve something that we want to reach. For example, I want to earn a lot of money but my reality is insufficient bank account, or I want to get good score at exam but I didn’t enough study, etc. I can see easily many people tend to just saying their situation with friends or family, not acting to effort to make narrow the gap between ideal and reality. Some people tend to drink alcohol so much. However, just taking their stress situations or drink alcohol isn’t any help to change our situation. How we can reduce or eliminate (actually eliminate 100% is impossible) this kind of stress?

2) Pressure comes from hard work

Probably, we all get stress at work. Probably, nobody say that “I’m not get stress at work” in the world. Just exist different types or levels of stress. Therefore, it is natural we get stress in the office, and we need to recognize it first to manage stress comes from work.

3) Conflicts between family, friend and colleagues

There are so many kind of conflicts in our life. While we are working at work or live family together or communicate with friends, we are face various types of conflicts. Some conflict is big, some conflict is small, but all these conflicts are makes us to get stress. Probably, we get so much stress in relationships with people. And there are so many books about good guide for better relationship with people were published. But these books aren’t perfect solutions to us, because each people are entirely different and then people’s reaction are different.

4) vague anxiety

I can see people who are always feel anxiety. It seems likely live with anxiety all time. I would like call ‘Vague anxiety or chronic anxiety’. There is a saying in South Korea “In old times, there is one mother, and this mother have 2 sons. One son’s job is salt seller and the other son’s job’s seller umbrella. This mom always under anxiety status because when weather is raining, she worry about son who is salt seller. And when weather is shiny, she worry about son who is umbrella seller. If she think contrary, she was always happy.

I think vague anxiety is same with above story. Vague anxiety is continuous get stress to us, but it is very difficult to find suitable solutions, because it is not clear about what is stressors. Try to ask yourself about my stress or anxiety is vague or chronic or not.

2. My approach ways to reduce stresses

  1. My approach for case 1: The gap between ideal and reality

The only solution to eliminate or reduce this kind of stress is that keep effort to overcome current hurdle in real life. The reason of this kind of stress is caused by not reach our goals, therefore we need to focus in how to reach our goal. If your goal is speak new language fluently, you need to study hard every single day. If your goal is earn a lot of money, you need to work hard in current company to promotion or prepare your own business. Just saying like ‘I want to speak English well’, ‘I want to earn a lot of money’ is not help to reach your goal, and this also not help to reduce or eliminate your stress.

If you have something you achieve, you have to focus it right now. If you have time for complain current situation, you spend this time to hone your ability. Remember! Your effort is not betray you!

2) My approach for case 2: Pressure comes from hard work

Probably we all get the stress in the workplaces. There is not exist workplaces that stress is 0%. To reduce or eliminate this kind of stress, first, we have to embrace about we get stress at work is natural situation. If you think like this ‘why only I get stress at work, I wish live in world of not exist stress, what if this task or issue is disappear… and so on, it is difficult to manage stress effectively. Because you just wish disappear of stressors. Contrary, we need to effort to find solution for reduce or eliminate stress, such as how to work more efficiently, how to find good solution to solve difficult situation, ask help to colleagues or boss, find suitable activity(like hobby) after work time.

In my opinion, the best way to reduce this kind of stress is that divide life between working time and after work. This mean is that focus work during the working time and then after work, it is focus yourself, family or friends. The worst case is that think escape office during working time and think or anxious about work during not work time. In out of working time, try to forget work related anxious and enjoy your time with family, friends or yourself. Have a delicious food, watch a movie or sports game or play something. This activity will led you to more relaxation in your mind, make a more healthy mental health and get more energy to do work more energetically. And one more my advice is that give gift to yourself. It is reward yourself for work hard. It is okay gift is not tremendous or expensive. The person who can care him/herself can care other people and can live more happy.

3) My approach for case 3: Conflicts between family, friend and colleagues

I think that this case’s stress is most difficult to find suitable solution, because we all are entirely different. Of course there are exist several tool to classify specific types of human personality, such as MBTI and 16 personalities. But these tools are just for reference. These tools can’t explain exact each person’s personality. Unfortunately, I have exact solution to deal this kind of stress. More exact expression is that relationship with people is most difficult thing to me. Maybe, we all are think same.

The way I found to deal with this stress is that try think in opposite person’s position. There is saying in South Korea ‘Put yourself in someone else’s shoes’. When we are thinking in just our own position, the conflicts will getting increase. Of course, thinking in opposite person’s position is really difficult. But, if you trying think like that more and more, certainly opposite person will less defensive and more will to cooperate, and then you can find better solution to solve the problem with other person.

4) My approach for case 4: vague anxiety

I would like called ‘vague anxiety’ or ‘chronic anxiety’ when someone is anxiety without specific reason. I can see someone who is always have anxiety. It seems likely he/she live with anxiety or always looking for something to have anxiety.

My recommendation to resolve this issue is that try write your current anxiety lists on note. And then see this lists after 6 months or 1 year. You can find that almost your anxiety lists is not anymore your anxiety at that time. If you can find solution or resolve current your anxiety through think anxiety, let’s do keep anxiety. But if not, it is better to delete your anxiety on your brain. This is way I found to manage anxiety.

3. One more Tip(maybe most important): Not try to effort eliminate stress, instead try to live with stress

During we are living in the world, probably we can’t eliminate stress entirely. Recently, you ever hear about ‘With Corona’. It is! It is same with stress. We need to adopt new concept about we need to live with stress forever. There are saying ‘If you can’t beat them, join them’. If you can’t avoid stress, you need learn how to live with stress more effectively, efficiently and healthy.

If you will tackle to eliminate stress or escape from stress, your stress will getting increase more and more. Instead, you will think about how to live well with stress, your stress will reduce and your life will more and more happier.



I will write about my life story, think, Korean culture, Korean drama etc.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
Daehyun Lim (Ray)

I’m working in IT industry and I try to study English. I would like communicate with various people in here.