Dear Netflix, Aint No Nobody Got Time for That
I admit it. We are in the middle of a total dry spell. It happens every year. Usually starting somewhere after the end of GOT and the beginning of film award season. I can’t find anything new to watch. Maybe it’s a good thing. Probably, it’s life’s way of telling me to go outside or take up knitting or something. But the fact remains that as a 27 year old human, I am full of responsibilities just waiting to be put off. Its not like I don’t try new things. Sometimes, I find a series on my friend’s hacked Hulu account or I manage to find a movie that doesn’t literally make me so bored I actually become motivated to do real work.
But that’s the thing. I am a unique snowflake gawwwwdamnit! And I already watched the entire second season of Silicone Valley, Orange is the New Black and SOA. The recommendations I get from you, my sweet Netflix, aren’t really even recommendations for me! They are recommendations for the people you happen to associate with me. The endless scroll of 80’s horror movies is absolutely not apart of my personality and I don’t have time to scroll through it to find a mediocre show.
My point is Netflix; our dates aren’t really going that great… I feel like you aren’t paying very much attention to who I am as a millennial and frankly I don’t have time to figure that out in order to tell you. I hope you understand. There are probably plenty of people who fit your cookie cutter personality algorithm and totally don’t mind that you keep recommending the same shit over and over in different categories. Did you think I just wouldn’t notice that you were doing that? Is the Cupcake Wars paying you to promote them in every conceivable classification? ARE YOU BEING THREATENED BY THEM? Give me a sign Netty and I will send a drove of content strategy your way!
In the mean time though, I have to say, I’m out. I’m switching to Fireside TV. I know its hard being left for the younger more hipster version of your old vision. But the reality of it is, Fireside gives me what I need. We sit down and talk about everything, like who I’m with and what mood I’m in. We even talk about what it is that I want out of these recommendations. It’s healthy and mature and lets face it. It’s a relationship based on equality where my input actually matters and changes the outcome. You never really gave that to me. Plus your authority was kinda lame, especially since you were giving the same advice to millions of others. You never seemed to care that I wasn’t happy.
But I am so hopeful Netflix! I am excited to learn more about myself in this new relationship. I’m excited about the ever-changing suggestion list that will help introduce me to new movies and shows. This new system might even help the world understand who I am in the many ways I portray myself both online and in person. Code switching is a thing dude and I still deserve my choices even after I project a different version of myself on FB than I do on Insta. I still deserve love!
My Fireside bae has placed a lot of trust in how I operate. It was recently suggested that I even visit you next November when season 3 of HOC comes out. But I see a bunch of different hosting platforms now. I go to HBO and even Hulu on the occasion. But I don’t spend much time in anyone of these pads. I’m independent and just have links sent to me. It’s a modern world and I am grateful for the time we spent together. But its time we started seeing others. Literally.
