Learning how to negotiate
Especially if you’re a woman who doesn’t want to make $0.70 to your man-colleague’s $1
Most of us know three basic things about negotiating:
- Know what you want. It’s awful hard to negotiate with someone else if you’re still negotiating with yourself.
- Ask for what you want. People can’t read your mind, and if you don’t ask, the answer is always “no.”
- Be firm, but nice. It’s important to self-advocate and be firm, but it’s hard to get anywhere in this world if you’re an asshole.
After listening to the episode The Art of Negotiating on the podcast The Art of Charm, however, I learned that there’s a lot more to negotiating than these three pithy points.
If you suffer from imposter syndrome, lack confidence in your work, or repeatedly take only what is offered to you in life, I strongly recommend listening to the episode.
So… I guess most people should listen to the episode.
10 Key takeaways
First, when you’re in the midst of a negotiation (this will usually pertain to a job offer), take some time to think about and clearly answer these questions for yourself:
- What am I negotiating for? The job of your dreams? A 10% pay increase from your old role? Another two weeks of PTO? What is most important to you?
- What is my timeline? Do you need to make rent this month, or are you happy at your job and just indulging the possibility of switching things up? Recruiters will sometimes say they needed the role filled “yesterday.” This isn’t your problem; their timeline will usually be different from yours.
- Who are you negotiating with? An entry-level recruiter will tend to be more by-the-book and rigid, whereas a senior-level recruiter tends to be more conversational and confident. And if you’re negotiating with your to-be boss, you’ll need to consider your future relationship with this person in your approach.
- Do they have the power to give you what you want? You can save yourself a lot of time by figuring this out early on. If the entry-level recruiter on the other end of the phone doesn’t have the power to change the number of vacation days listed in your offer letter, kindly let them know that you’re negotiating for changes to the offer letter and that you’d like to speak to someone who can help you.
- What do they need? Again, this comes down to the person you’re talking to. The entry-level recruiter needs to show their boss they can do their job quickly and effectively. All recruiters look good if they save the company money and have minimal turnover rates for their hires.
- What would make them look good? Play off this. Identify what the other person needs and then help them envision that future. Use phrases like “if you can give me 5 additional vacation days, this ends now and I will get you the signed offer letter by end-of-day,” or “if you can match X amount, I am ready to sign here and now.”
- What are they risking by losing you? If you’re exploring opportunities and they’re hurting more and more each day by not filling the role, you have more power. Take the time to think this dynamic through, and how to best act on it.
- What are my interests? You may not get exactly what you want, so be thinking about the second-tier items that are of importance to you. If you’re mostly concerned with a 20% pay increase, also consider how many vacation/sick days could improve your life, or if some quick cash in the form of a signing bonus is in order.
- At what point will I walk away? You’re not obligated to negotiate. You can ALWAYS walk away. And sometimes, you should. It’s easy to get caught up in the negotiating game. Being human, most of us fall prey to the sunk-cost fallacy, or the idea that we should keep investing our time/money/energy into something based on the fact that we’ve already invested a lot in it. Being aware of this fallacy and having a firm point at which you know you’ll leave the conversation is smart and empowering.
- What is my BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement)? I you really want the job but get a hard “no,” be able to bounce back quickly and offer your second-best scenario. If they really want you, they’ll do their best to accommodate you.
A snippet of the negotiating process
For the timid, unsure, and/or linear-thinkers out there, here is a general guide to handling the negotiating process:
- You receive an offer. If this comes via email, great. Sit with it and read through it and sleep on it and consider it. If it comes in a phone call, your default response should be something like, “Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I need time to think about it and consider it among other opportunities I’m looking at; is there any flexibility in the base?”
- Recruiter will say something like “We believe that this is a fair and generous offer. What are you thinking?”
- You: “Based on other opportunities I’m looking at, I think I am worth $X (15% more than what they’re offering). If you can match this, I’ll give my notice tomorrow and we’re done.” This response helps the recruiter visualize the win (and the end of the whole ordeal).
[Another possible response to ease the tension]: “I am really excited about this; this is the company I want and the opportunity I’ve been looking for.”
Other things to keep in your back pocket
Don’t make the first offer.
When asked “what are your salary requirements?” say something like “I’m looking at several opportunities right now, I can’t really give you a number, I’m interested to see what offer you guys have. Thank you for your consideration!” The point here is that they should set the expectation.
You don’t have to respond immediately.
Take the time you need. Or don’t need. Silence can be used to collect your thoughts, reevaluate the offer, or to send the message that you’re not impressed.
It is not your job to fill awkward silences. People tend to fill silences with their own insecurities. Don’t be this person.
Ask for more time.
If you truly aren’t impressed with a counter-offer, say something like “I’m still thinking about it; it really wasn’t what I was expecting.” This is honest and reasonable. Never underestimate how much the other side of the table wants this to end.
Work for the “no.”
If you don’t get at least one “no” in the negotiation process, you didn’t ask for enough.
The world doesn’t end if this doesn’t happen.
Get your head out of your mole hole. Broaden your horizons. We all create our own realities, but if negotiating is making your anxious, take a minute to reset your perspective. There are 7+ trillion people on this oddly perfect little blue planet, and a vast and endless universe making its own plans. If it’s supposed to happen, it will happen.
Don’t be afraid to say no
Sure, you’ll frustrate the other end, but guess what? At the end of the day, the loyalty of a company is to their shareholders and to maximizing the company’s value — not to your individual personal freedom or happiness. So, regardless of the things they say and how they make you feel, the fact is that you’re completely replaceable. #realtalk
