Grace in the face of let-downs
Oopps! But It’s OK!
The duality of being human and how to fly with it.
Remember the colleague who was straight awesome until you discovered that flaw that burst your hot air balloon? Think of that friend who consistently comes through for you, is your best cheerleader, but that one time didn’t?
How disappointing is it to discover inconsistency in your friend or colleague! It’s like we are looking for God in the other person, when they’re just human- meaning highly inconsistent.
What to do, then, to avoid the let-down? How to manage when living, working shoulder to shoulder with cherished but flawed humans?
Case Study
Take my mom for instance. She provides both parts in this equation. There’s hardly a person more helpful, more self-less than my mother. She missed her calling as a social worker, I think. Over the years, she’s come through in super-human ways and shown immense generosity. But she also breaks something each time she visits. Most commonly, it’s large household appliances.
I’ve kept a log. And secretly compared my fate to those family members she has helped. One year, she visited my widowed grandfather in Germany and deep-cleaned his house. Amazingly kind, I’d say. But when she loaded small, handmade rugs into the washing machine, it spun off it’s pedestal, face-first and cracked the front-loading glass door. My uncles lifted it back up. And she did it again.
Another time, she cooked so vigorously, that the food disposal quit. We later discovered a penny and a fork inside.
Only this last weekend, she cleaned under our kitchen sink, pulled at something and sparks flew. Not her fault, really. In fact, she uncovered a dangerous electrical problem. But also left me me without a working dishwasher, a heavy workload of school projects, and two messy kids.
What’s left to say but say thank-you for your help? Thank-you for offering to retire early to manage our busy lifestyle! Yes, the appliances will suffer. But still thank-you!
Now what?
Buddhism suggests that human suffering stems from our desires. When we expect something from another person- desire them to behave how we want- we are setting ourselves up for suffering. I’d agree with that.
So then, we have to take our colleagues and friends as they are? That’s what my mother says. Conveniently. She says it’s like starting over each time. Forgive and start a-fresh.
Thank-you!
Thanks Ma! You’ve provided me with good practice and modeled excellent resolution skills! Truly- oopps, but it’s ok. And thank-you!
