The Leader in Me, You, and Everyone
I’m still apprehensive to consider myself a leader. I’ve never been able to confidently proclaim a personal, natural skill in leadership. To me, I’m too passive, indecisive, moody even. These are simply genuine aspects of my personality. And yet, even when others considered themselves “natural” leaders, I was apprehensive to believe them. What makes you a natural leader and what makes you so sure of your ability to lead others well? Simply because you think your a leader? Your job/role? Arrogance?
I was flooded with the typical representation of the American leader- a figure I’ve always lacked admiration for. Primarily, it was a man who is taller, physically fit, not afraid to voice his opinions and won’t let anyone stand in his way. Slightly arrogant, power hungry, never scared to discipline or scorn, unable to show vulnerability, and carries a distaste for inefficiency.
However this typical leader manifests, man or woman, these representations of leaders are what stifled my ability to think of myself as a leader. Whatever “that guy” was, definitely was not me. A lot of these typical leader qualities are actually really important- decisiveness, confidence, self-assurance, etc.- not just as leaders, but as human beings. What really held me back from associating with these representations was the total capitalization and magnification of the typical “leader qualities”. It seemed flawed, wrong, and read as a cheap acquiring of power and also a cheap style of leading others.
For class, I have been asked to read The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable. The book is written as a simple yet highly detailed group analysis. In these observations and resolutions made, the reader is given a thorough and transforming definition on what it is to be a leader in the form of its character, Kathryn. Kathryn is slightly new to the tech business yet has just been promoted to CEO of a previously promising, yet currently struggling, tech company in the Silicon Valley. She was never the top-seller of a company, nor was she ever a CEO of another tech company previous to her promotion. Her primary CV? — Her ability to form a cohesive team amongst a group of individuals.
As I have delved into the characters of The Five Dysfunctions and reflected on previous experiences in group settings, I am beginning to construct a new definition of what it means to truly lead others. Typical leaders that come to mind are MLK, Steve Jobs, Gandhi, (insert someone who created an anchor point in the shape of history). These are lofty goals to pursue. And so, for us, the typical or average human, what is it to be a leader? This is the answer I am coming to- true leadership is rooted in the group, role, relationship, family that you are situated in right now, your present placement, and from there you can begin your leadership story.
Maybe it’s much more simple than what I and many others have thought, maybe it has nothing to do with acquiring power. Maybe it’s about making an intentional decision to try and make a connection with your co-worker, and you crack the first joke. Before you know it, one of you is moving cities and you’re saying goodbye to each other, and actually crying because this friendship was critical in your ability to be a part of the team.
Maybe it’s about pointing out the different points of view that other’s are missing, and simply not letting social anxiety or company politics to keep you from speaking up. Maybe it’s about having the discipline and emotional intelligence to not strike back when being drilled into by your manager who doesn’t understand the whole issue, and calmly explaining what is happening in a rational and understandable way. Maybe it’s about standing up for yourself and your other co-workers when you’re being sexually harassed or mistreated by a manager and reporting it to HR.
Maybe these are overlooked, yet are true acts of leadership. Sure they’re not changing the course of millions of lives, but these smaller acts of bravery, encouragement, and intelligence, possess the power to change the dynamic, facilitation, and development of the individuals and groups that you are involved with. If leadership is “to make a team”, as eluded in The Five Dysfunctions, than these acts are surely what it means to be a leader.
Looking deeper into it, it is clear that at the root of leadership is vulnerability. To truly get to know someone and for someone to truly know you, you need to be vulnerable. It takes vulnerability to voice your opinion on a board of more experienced members or to act for what’s right despite the consequences it may have. It takes vulnerability to disagree and yet commit to the team’s decision. It takes vulnerability to be a team member and it surely takes vulnerability to lead others into being a part of a team.
And so, whether you believe you are a natural leader or doubt your leadership abilities, I encourage you to dive into the relations you have in front of you in bold, vulnerable color. At work, at home, on your rec sports team, create the team you wish to have through small acts of leadership.
And yes, I am going to quote Brene Brown, the modern expert on vulnerability and the crucial role it plays in society. She says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.” These are the foundations of the team that we all want to be a part of, to belong in and to lead.
There is a saying that goes, “Think globally, act locally”. This is true in this instance as well. Think big, think human-movement, history-changing leadership, and extend this manifestation of lofty dreams into your present placement. Think of leadership in a new, smaller, yet so much bigger kind of way, and be vulnerable enough to “be the change you want to see”.
Lencioni, P. M. (2007). The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable. Hoboken: John Wiley & Sons.
Brown, B. (2016). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. London: Penguin Books.
