Update On My Leadership Toolkit

Earlier this semester, I posted an article about leadership in which I claimed that I had learned to understand what it means to be an effective leader in design. However, I now realize that there is much more to it. Throughout these past four months, I have come to understand that a variety of different aspects determine effective leadership and the importance of leading yourself before you can lead others.

Leadership presence is ultimately rooted in our personal development, integrity, and inner coherence. Who am I, and what is the place from which I operate? Throughout the semester, I have learned that a conceptual understanding of leadership does not build leadership capabilities; instead, it is learned by practicing personal aspects of effective leadership.

Awareness

Awareness is a beautiful process that helps us make sense of the world. When you are aware, you notice something that is not there or in a way you haven’t seen before. When you are unaware, you don’t see what is going on, and you are easily distracted because it is not part of your conscious. Perceptual awareness is when we are aware of our body and existence, but we are not mindful of every aspect of our body. And when something happens, our sensory awareness kicks in, and we become very aware. Introspective awareness is what we have learned and where it comes from. It allows us to observe the state of our mind. This process, however, does not have to be perfect, because we can make lots of new mistakes about our sense of the world. Awareness helps us from our interpreted framework of the world because when we have our observations about a situation or another person, we make interpretations based on this. Our interpreted framework is near to us because it is based on all our experiences in life, our biological reaction to things, and what we use to make sense of the world. From that, we draw our conclusions based on what we have seen and heard. Our patterning is part of our interpretations, and so our patterning can help us make great interpretations and not so great interpretations. It simplifies our life, but it can also simplify our thinking and our way of engaging. We have to be aware of our patterning because we may decide that it is not relevant or appropriate to follow.

“The success of an intervention depends on the interior condition of the intervener.”

- Bill O’Brien

This quote perfectly demonstrates that our actions and change-makers’ success does not depend on what we do or how we do something, but instead the inner place from which we operate, which means that it is not essential what leaders do or how they do it. Instead, their quality of awareness and consciousness that they bring into a particular situation makes them effective leaders. Reflecting on my interior condition helped me realize that attention is my most important resource as a person, designer, and leader. It has to be managed because it has limited capacity and duration.

We are obsessed with personal productivity, and that getting things done is time management. However, I have learned that time management is not a solution; instead, it is part of the problem. Since there is a limited time during throughout the day where we can focus, time management makes us more aware of how many hours we waste not being productive. Using the phrase attention management is more effective here because it demonstrates the importance of prioritizing things that matter while not focusing on how long it will take. This made me understand the importance of doing something that you enjoy doing and not only to get it done. Allowing yourself to take some time to be aware of things you love is essential when becoming an effective leader.

Resilience

Resilience is one of the most critical leadership qualities because we can “bounce back” to see our possibilities and stay connected. We understand resilience as our capacity to return to the center. We can feel and center the body, acknowledge and generate a mood, return to purpose and a broader perspective, and create possibilities for our future. Through resilience, we can connect with ourselves and others, but it can also mean that you avoid falling, meaning that you don’t have to fight to get back up. Resilience can be a preventative thing or based on how you pull yourself back up as quickly as possible. Stability is critical for leaders because you cannot push and crash and wait for settlements to recover. You have to be able to manage yourself because other people are managing themselves with you.

According to research, multiple factors impact resilience, including; connection to nature, spirituality, animals, creativity, positive human relationships, imagination, and collective practices within the community. Creating a simple plan to avoid falling into a deep dark hole and getting out was very beneficial for me. I simply wrote down a list within the categories mentioned above and did these regularly to prevent myself from falling. Trying these made me realize that there are lots of things that don’t require hours to complete, merely taking a couple of minutes to do these is very effective in becoming more resilient.

Communication

Difficult conversations are more about feelings than facts. Initiating learning conversations in conflicts can help us wind out what went wrong along the way. Identity conversation is most often what causes us to lose our balance in difficult conversations. Each conversation is segmented into three different categories:

1. The conversation about what happened: Who is right, who meant what, and who is to blame. We assume that we are right and that the other person is wrong. Our truths are only a perception of interpretations and values, and how we think about people’s intentions define how we feel about them. We defend ourselves; actually, no one has to be blamed. We make a distinction between blame and how we contribute to the problem.

2. The conversation about feelings: Difficult conversations do not involve emotions; they are about addressing your personal feelings.

3. Conversations about identity: Tells you a lot about yourself, what you are saying to yourself about yourself, and self-image, and how people see you.

Blame is about the past, not about the future. When we blame someone, we are suggesting that we are accusing them of something. This will bring out destructive emotions, arguments, and a lot of defensiveness. It also keeps us in the problem rather than finding a solution. We shouldn’t be caught up in blame, and instead contributions. What did we both do to get into this situation? What can we both now do to get out? Contribution is futuristic thinking, and it is about progress and not about looking at the past. Contribution is interactive where the blame hinders problem-solving. When things go wrong, everyone has contributed a little bit to that mistake. Understanding your contributions is a great way to begin the interactive process instead of blame, which will inevitably hinder the problem-solving process.

Everyone sees the world differently due to previous experiences and the information we have had available to us. Everyone had different observations, different interpretations, and in the end, we all come to a different conclusion. This is important to understand because not everyone has seen the world the same way that you have. We can’t be so closed off to other people; we have to show a sense of curiosity. By being curious instead of closed, you can approach someone’s story differently and take the time to understand the other person’s side of the story. You can never assume that you know what someone’s intentions are, and by assuming someone’s intentions, you never fully understand why they did what they did. Therefore, you are very closed-minded and not open to understanding someone else’s side of a story. We have to detangle impact and intent by realizing our intentions and their impact on someone. Also, you must recognize their intentions and what impact that may have on you. We must also be open to sharing how their intentions impacted us. This is the only way for others to understand how their intentions truly impact us because it is the only way to come to a mutual understanding. Contribution encourages change. It tells people that I know what went wrong and what I did wrong and I now understand how to change this going forward.

It is essential to show empathy and to control our immediate reactions when someone is sharing an uncomfortable and vulnerable story with you in difficult conversations. If you don’t show empathy in your responses, they may shut down and not trust you anymore with those types of stories. Showing empathy is just as much non-verbal as it is verbal. If you are not making eye-contact and are not being engaged with the storyteller, they will again shut down and separate from the uncomfortable situation. We need to try our best not to judge people, especially when they are susceptible to shame. Judging people is not a way to show empathy because you prove that you do not understand others’ feelings. Finally, empathy is hard!!!! It takes time to master empathy. We all have to continually practice empathy, make mistakes, circle back, fix it, and do it all over again. We need to do this because empathy is not about us, it is about caring for others, and we don’t normally think that. We think we have to agree to empathize. But we don’t.

Dignity & Respect

Dignity is our inherent value and worth. Our dignity is also very vulnerable to being harmed, and it is closely connected to respect. I have always considered respect to be earned and not something that you can simply demand from someone. When I want someone to respect me, I have to act to become a person you feel like you can respect. Everyone wants to be treated with respect, but it isn’t something you can demand of someone if you are not acting like an honest and trustworthy person. Saying that you want someone to treat you with dignity is something that everyone deserves, which is very different from expecting that someone treats you with respect.

Even though we are born with dignity, we are not born knowing how to live by this. We are all born valuable and invaluable, meaning that we all know how unique and priceless we are; however, we sometimes get lost and feel vulnerable. When we can change our perception of ourselves based on how worthy we feel in our lives and around other people, the perception that we are priceless and valuable is known for most people. Still, we don’t always remember to act according to this concept because we might feel vulnerable or hurt by someone in our lives, so we change our perception of ourselves into something negative. It is also easy for us to discriminate against others who we feel are different from us. We have an inborn bias towards people who are similar to us, and we have to work hard to overcome that bias and treat everyone fairly. At some point throughout an individual’s life, you feel worthless, even though every human knows deep down that they are valuable and unique. Our human instinct is to change how we see ourselves and our self-value.

Honoring your own and others’ dignity will both help yourself and others. It is essential that we treat others in a way that supports their values and demonstrates appreciation. As a leader, it is vital to encourage others to treat everyone fairly and evenhandedly, and as a practice to acknowledge others. I think it’s essential for a leader to create cultures that honor everyone’s dignity in order to bring out the best representation of each and every person they are leading.

Honoring someone else’s dignity can be as simple as giving someone my full attention by listening, hearing, validating, responding to their concerns and what they might have gone through. I think this is something that we sometimes forget to do when we feel overwhelmed with our own problems and life, so we take it out on others and don’t listen to others’ concerns. Going beyond our own issues to help someone else is something that can make you feel better. If you treat people as trustworthy individuals, starting with the premise that others have good motives and are acting with integrity, it helps you keep your own dignity because if you treat people with dignity, they will do the same in return.

Conclusion

Throughout the semester, I have expanded my toolkit by practicing and developing inner resources that make effective and authentic leadership possible. We have experimented with lots of different somatic practices that enabled us to learn through our bodies. It helped me enhance the range and depth of resources available to me at any moment; however, this was challenging for me because I am so used to a mind-first learning style. This learning leadership style magnified my capabilities in leadership moments when we were drawing from our own experience instead of fundamental theories. I am very excited for the upcoming semesters expanding on my leadership toolkit.