Why Should I Come Out?
Does it really matter if anyone knows?
I am a woman, happily married to a man. I am also bisexual. For a long time, I stayed in the closet, because I saw no reason for anyone to know. (Except for my husband.) My family and my in-laws are mostly conservative and homophobic, and I don’t plan on cheating or having an open relationship, so what reason do I have to come out?
I attend a church that believes the Bible condemns homosexuality, and it took me over thirty years to realize I was living in the closet, and then the idea of coming out was terrifying. So I didn’t. I told my sister and my husband, but no one else.
If I told my in-laws I’m bi, they might wonder if I’m likely to cheat on my husband. They love me, but he’s their blood, and they will protect him with everything they have. Besides, what business of theirs is it?
If I stay silent, no one would ever guess that I’m anything but straight. But what if there are other young queer Christians out there who could be helped by hearing my story? As terrifying as it is, maybe I have a duty to them to be open and authentic in who I am.
Coming out is a personal choice that no one can make for you, so I have to weigh the risks against the rewards. If you are in the same place, I would never tell you to come out. But I know what it’s like to feel you’re being pulled in two directions and you don’t know what to do. You are not alone.
Another reason to come out would be to show those homophobic people I know what a real queer person is like. I might be the only one they’ve met, so maybe I can be an example to them that we are not what they think.
So did I come out? Well, sort of. I haven’t personally told anyone in real life besides my husband and sister, but I am writing blog posts like this under my real name, so it’s out there if people are looking. I’m still unsure about sitting down with my mother-in-law and saying, “I’m bisexual,” though.
I’m becoming more genuine in my identity. Maybe I’ll never be completely out, but do I have to be?
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