Chocolate and Weird are Good.
It was the 7th grade. I was at play practice. I walked out of the Green Room to hear Griffin Black tell someone I was weird. He literally said “Mary is so weird.” And it wasn’t the good kind of funny weird that he was talking about. I wanted to cry, I was so hurt. He saw me immediately after he said that. He froze, his eyes widened, and then he looked around and went back to talking to his friends.
People are like chocolate. Chocolate is wonderful and awesome, but there will always be some people who don’t like chocolate, for whatever reason. It took me a while to realize that I’m like chocolate, and that not everybody’s going to like me in this life. It’s a simple truth.
I love New York City for a lot of reasons. I love Central Park, I love the coffee shops that are on every corner, the fashion, the food, the street performers, the theater, and the way the city lights up beautifully around Christmastime. But the thing I love most is that New York welcomes all kinds. New York embraces the rich, the poor, the funny, the serious, the beautiful, the cool, the young, the old, the dorks, the artists, the musicians, and everything far, wide, and in between. I never feel out of place and I’m never afraid of being judged there. New York is a place that embraces and celebrates weird, eccentric, and different. Weird is normal in Manhattan. New York makes me believe that different, or weird is good.
People often judge others for what they wear or say or do, because they don’t realize that there’s a real person in there, and that they have actual emotions. In the 7th grade, right around the time Griffin Black said I was weird, I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, my sister, Tracy was 18 and had just gotten pregnant, and I was constantly fighting bouts of depression and panic. I was going through a rough time, and I’m sure that if Griffin Black had known what I was going through, he probably wouldn’t have said that I was weird. Griffin Black was not a mean person, but he didn’t think about the way his words could hurt people.
I think it’s hard to judge or hate a person once you know that person’s heart and their story. So I try to treat everyone with the sensitivity of knowing that a story is inside of them – that they go though hard times, that they have insecurities and that they are real people, worthy of life and of being loved and appreciated.
Terrorists in Al Qaeda are programmed to hate America and its people. Would they still hate Americans if they truly knew them as human beings? Maybe, I don’t know. But if there’s one stroke of humanity in a terrorist, then I think their hearts would have to be softened at least a little bit, by knowing someone’s story, and seeing that the people they’re wanting to kill are real people who love, laugh, cry, fight internal battles, stand up for others, believe in hope, create art, play music, and read books.
Every person you pass on the street or while driving down a highway has a family of some kind, has passions, funny stories, likes, dislikes, philosophies they do or don’t believe in, a favorite song and have people that they love. Everyone I see in this life has a story and is fighting battles that I most often know nothing about. And that’s crazy to think about.
It’s time that we stop seeing people as objects and instead see them for what they are – emotional creatures who deserve respect, and who are allowed to be different, and real. We need to recognize that even though most wars people are fighting are invisible, that their existence needs to be respected and empathized with. Griffin Black saying I was weird isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things (even though it seemed like it was at the time), but I’m glad he did, because he opened my eyes to the ignorance that blinds people from seeing the good in others.
A person wise beyond their years once told me never to let another person define who you are, and that people can take a lot of things from you, but no one can take away your happiness. I always want to believe that weird is good, chocolate is nice, and New York is fantastic. I need to ask myself this more often (I think we all do) — if you knew you would never be judged, what would you be doing differently with your life?
“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”
-Ralph Ellison
