Radical Acceptance
Embracing Your Life with the Heart of a Buddha
“What would it be like if I could accept life — accept this moment exactly as it is?” Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance
I finished this book in FEBRUARY…but writing this post while continuing my journey of Radical Acceptance has been a very vulnerable and sometimes painful task, it’s a labor of love that needed some time.
I’ve lived with a mental illness diagnosis for over 10 years. When I was 15 years old, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Depression and General Anxiety Disorder. I was placed on a variety of different medication cocktails…anything from SSRI’s to seizure medications, meant to help stabilize the peaks and valleys that come with the bipolar side of that depression. And they didn’t help me.
Let me preface the remainder of this story by saying that I am 110% an advocate for using medication to treat mental illness, in many cases it is necessary and effective. And God bless science! And the continual pursuit of those that are finding ways to treat and manage mental illness. If you believe that you need medication and you haven’t gone to see a psychiatrist, please go and get the help that you deserve.
But would you believe that in the 4 years that I was prescribed medication after medication to help treat my mental illness, I have no memory of ever being given the opportunity to speak with a therapist. As a teenager I didn’t understand the difference between psychiatry and psychology, as far as I was concerned, and as far as I had been told, it was one or the other, therapy or medication. And the elders in my life had me convinced that talking to a therapist was synonymous with being crazy…and I wasn’t crazy. According to my doctor and those encouraging me to seek help, medication was the only “real” treatment. How unfortunate. I spent a lot of years binge drinking, abusing my prescription medications and trying to find every outlet I could to quell my feelings of deep sadness and fear and to keep my brain out of those valleys at all costs. I certainly believe my brain has some chemical imbalance…but more than that, I have trauma that wasn’t being discussed, trauma that was like wounds festering and never being treated in deep dark corners of my brain and my heart. I needed therapy…and when my body decided it was done with my self medication, the fall out landed me in my first therapist’s office. I didn’t spend a ton of time with that particular therapist, but she prepared me for things I never knew I needed preparation for and 3 years later when I unexpectedly lost my father to suicide, I didn’t hesitate to call a therapist and start working through my new traumas and dig deeper into my old ones. My therapist helped prepare me and then sent me out on a journey of self discovery that lead me here. To Tara Brach and this world of radical acceptance.
“Radical Acceptance helps us to heal and move on, free from unconscious self habits of hatred and blame.”
The basis of Radical Acceptance is to use the example of the Buddha to learn to love ourselves exactly as we are. Society teaches us all the ways that we are wrong…we say the wrong things, we weigh too much, our traumas are a result of our own mistakes, we hurt people and become unredeemable, we are hurt by others and become unredeemable. We grow up in a world that says we are unworthy of love and goodness. And that is so far from the truth. Radical Acceptance gives us as readers and practitioners tools to love ourselves in spite of our mess, tools to love others despite our feelings of unworthiness, and tools to grow through our fear and sadness in order to live full, meaningful lives where we lead with faith and courage.
“There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect and messy life.”
In order to find this acceptance, first we have to understand “The Trance of Unworthiness”, these lies that have been fed to us our whole lives by ourselves as well as others. We then learn to “Awaken from the Trance” and begin to follow “The Path of Radical Acceptance”. Tara Brach leads the reader through twelve chapters that teach us about coming into our own bodies, living in the present moment, accepting our desires, facing our fears, learning to show ourselves and other compassion, practicing loving kindness and learning to be okay with our own silence. Each chapter ends with written meditations, meant to be practiced along your journey to finding radical acceptance and beyond. They are invaluable tools.
“The more fully we offer our attention, the more deeply we realize that what matters most in life is being kind.”
A few huge takeaways from this journey:
- I am worthy of love from myself and others. And so are you.
- My fears and traumas do not get to determine my future, I am so much more than what they tell me I am. You are also more!
- Radical Acceptance is NOT an excuse to do whatever you want without regard to the lives, emotions and worth of those around you. It is a way of life, it helps us forgive the wrong we have done and the wrong we have done to ourselves or others, so that we can move forward with loving kindness.
- Radical Acceptance takes a village. You must find your “Sangha”, your community. People in your life who want to see you grow, distance yourself from the emotional vampires in your life.
- For my Christian friends who love Jesus, the Jesus who shows unconditional love and compassion. You can practice and understand the Buddha’s teachings and still love and follow Christ. My love of Christ has grown exponentially through my understanding of The Buddha. For more on this, pick up a copy of Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh.
Allowing myself to be vulnerable and honest about my mental health and the truth’s behind the loss of my father is a struggle…but “when we expose our hurt or fear, we actually give others permission to be more authentic.”
I hope you take the time to walk this journey of Radical Acceptance. To find compassion for yourself, so that you may share that compassion with others. And to find the courage to look your fears in the face and tell them that they don’t get to make decisions for you anymore. Live boldly. And above all “Have courage, and be kind.”
“Walk on through all the fears and pain in this life. Walk on, following your heart and trusting in the power of awareness. Walk on, one step at a time, and you will know a freedom and peace beyond all imagining.” Buddha.
Until next time, Namaste.
