Bad Vibrations
New in France, I had to get my car fixed, but my French was merdique. The front wheels were out of balance, especially when driving on the highway at 120–140 KMPH. I’d get this terrible vibration and either had to slow down or grip the steering wheel tighter … It was an easy wheel-balancing job. A simple request to balance my “roue” or “roues”.
There was a garage just across the boulevard from my apartment. Surely they could help.
Bonjour Madame, parlez-vous anglais?
Bonjour Monsieur. Non.
I’ve translated my French into English here…
“I’ve got a small problem with my “roue”, and wonder if you can help?”
Madame smiled and then gave me a small smirk. “I’m sorry, what exactly is the problem?”
“Well, my “roue” vibrates, and I need it to stop vibrating.”
Starting to chuckle: “Excusez-moi, your what is vibrating?”
My “roue”. I think the problem is with both of them.
Her chuckling turned to laughter.
Louder, as if that would help: “My roue, Madame.”
“Monsieur, I don’t think I quite understand the problem. Can you tell me how your “roue” vibrates?”
“Well, when I hold it with one hand, it vibrates at about 120 KMPH. If I hold it with both hands, they start vibrating at about 140 KMPH.”
By this time she was outright laughing.
“Monsieur, I will call the mechanic so you can explain it to him.”
Back she came with not one but two mechanics; both arrived with expectant smiles on their faces.
“Monsieur, please tell them what your problem is.”
Same explanation, stronger laughter.
“Ok, I know I am saying the word “roue” wrong. Please tell me how I am saying it wrong. And can you help me?”
Mechanic: “Non, non, keep using that word. But tell us, how would you like us to help?”
“Could I please just leave them here with you for a while so you can fix my problem?”
“Leave ‘Them’?!? How many do you have?”
“Well, I think the problem is with both of them!”
That pushed them right over the edge, with all three, practically rolling on the floor.
Somehow my “roue” (let alone two) were something I could not leave with them, and quite beyond their mechanical skills. They informed me they could not stop my vibrating.
I think one of them said “I think he needs a doctor”… and the other “send him to the hospital”.
I asked if another garage could help. They just laughed and walked away. I was dismissed!
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To this day I’m not certain what word I used that sent them into fits of uncontrollable laughter, although I have worked on pronouncing that tough French “r”. Can anybody reading this suggest the word I might have used?
