Giggles and Grades: The Untold Story of Anger and Disrespect
Ending it Had Been the Right Decision
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself by putting it back together.
Daniel lifted his head to see Ella walk past the office drawer on which some artificial flowers lay.
It was the second time in a row she was passing that same route within the same office space. The office — Full lights, AC on full blast, full waves of laughter from a far corner, and full peace in another corner.
Ella dodged his eyes, she must have figured out that he intended to stare at her till their eyes met. She’d not give him that chance. Not after everything he did to her some months back.
It all went cozy after the incomplete talk about a relationship in December. It all happened in a restaurant, with its warm amber lighting, rustic wooden tables, and the inviting aroma of freshly baked bread, which exudes a cozy and intimate atmosphere perfect for a relaxing meal.
She followed him to his barber's shop afterward and watched him take all the hair on his head off.
What a time!
She felt her search for a good man finally came to an end.
Truly it had.
Whatever would be good needs to have a beginning, to say the least.
He didn’t ask her out officially, but the girlfriend duties resumed the next day — Good morning texts, ‘have a great day at work’, random pictures during the day, and goodnight texts.
As the weeks unfolded, the joyful aftermaths followed — telling her close friends about him, using his pictures as her wallpaper, taking cozy photos, sensual kisses, stayovers, cooking, and back rubs with happy endings.
More doings came to the fore, late-night outings, game nights, trying out new restaurants, playing board games, intense truth or dare sessions, no hand kissing challenges, random gifts, singing along to songs, Netflix and chills, butt grabbing in public, butt spanking in private, with so many arguments.
Fierce arguments!
But that was never going to be avoided, not when they were both age mates.
Ella had so much rage whenever things didn’t go her way.
Daniel recounted to Kufre the hard slap on the leg he received one day when he tried teasing her with his legs after a day of not picking up her calls or returning her texts.
He called it Mental Aggression.
She moved as someone who would throw her hands if push came to shove.
But there was more to that thought — she moved like someone who would break plates, and smash the TV with screams that can’t be ignored.
Someone who would raise a dinner table because of something you said while sitting across from her.
Someone who would want you to stay away from your friends just to be with her.
Someone whose love for you was only enough to calm her storm for a while.
His withdrawal began as soon as he had repeatedly told her to change some things about herself that’d make her more appealing to him.
First, it was in the way she dressed to work — he wanted her to look classy with nice gowns, instead of top and jeans like every random guy at the office.
Another thing was he didn’t like her choice of underwear. He complained about it, and she kept slapping him with ‘I’m not going to do anything about it, just leave me alone.’ Not in those exact words though, but you get it.
The last thing was the Mental Aggression. She hit him with the ‘That’s just who I am, stop trying to change me.’
He eventually left her a text stating his intentions to step back from everything.
He wanted someone who would just listen. Even if it meant that she changed the color of her nails because he didn’t like it.
She always had his money to spend anyway, so nothing was stopping her from a financial point of view.
He was rich enough for both of them, but it ended.
On a good day, they discussed ailments, work banter, football banters, petrol shortages, recent happenings in the country, traffic situations, movies, and church stories. The chats were always sprinkled with Yoruba and pidgin.
Now, they couldn’t stand each other, even at the wedding of a mutual friend.
Ella knew Daniel’s perfume.
It usually arrived before him.
Though she loved their how we met story, now telling her friends the how it ended story has been hard. For her, and also for him.
Daniel insists that she was a good girlfriend, but the potential rage in how she handled conflicts, the disrespectful tone in how she related with her siblings, and the way she handled the accommodation of a specific mutual friend didn’t speak well of her.
Every good deed felt like an act that was only for a time.
It scared him away.
The disrespect that arises from familiarity in relationships, and the pretense that accompanies knowing someone for only a short time before commitments set in, revealing their true selves.
It still scares him.
He wishes he could see a trailer of all that a person is when he meets them before he decides to make a move on them.
He still wishes that relationships did not have to go through guesswork, faith in what a person should be, hope that they’d like to do the things that you enjoy, and a desire that the person you want to be with is just as kind as they portray on the surface.
Not a kindness done in pretense.
Be honest, brutally honest. That is what’s going to maintain relationships. — Lauryn Hill
Daniel wanted honesty, not charades.
He wanted it pure and raw, not coated with temporary actions.
He just wanted to love and be loved.
In the words of Roy Arundhati.
To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.
Thanks for reading.
