How to Cultivate Genuine Self-Love
Here is a key to unlocking a world within, where the love you seek resides not in the echoes of others, but in the subtle whispers of your own heart.
Do you ever just look and find it hard to understand why you cannot recognise yourself? Like you are being beckoned to seek life or happiness through external forces, moving far away from yourself as time passes. Making it hard to reach your being, like your voice is but a faint whisper sounding far away from you.
Can you relate?
Imagine, for a moment, standing before a mirror that reflects not just the physical outlines of your being but the complexities of your soul. What if, on that reflective surface, you could witness the essence of your worth, untouched by the judgments of the world? How would you imagine your life to be?
Self-love is the art of embracing that reflection, a dance with your own vulnerabilities, strengths, and the symphony of imperfections that make you beautifully human.
One would argue that self-love is such a cliché practice and is only but a selfishly cynical practice done by egotistical, and narcissistic beings, for their gain. However, there is a thin line between self-love and cynicism. While there are healthy self-love habits, there are unhealthy practices that are said in the guise of self-love that aren’t.
How then do we tell them apart?
Placing them side by side.
Practising self-love takes you being intentional in some of the things you do. It warrants that you be aware of the things you do for yourself and others, taking careful notes on what is necessary, unnecessary and good, while also being able to adopt self-reflection on your bad deeds.
You care for yourself, so you’ll be able to care for your loved ones, friends and strangers. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you wouldn’t show compassion to others, lest you trail to the other side of the field. It is filling your cup, so you can help another fill theirs.
Self-love is fulfilled to build oneself to help others grow.
Seeking deep inside the tunnels of our true being, the best ways to let go of all the burdens that hold us back from finding and loving our true selves, and then reflecting that on the love that we give to others.
When a person practices self-love with themselves being at the bare end of the track, the chances of them attaining it correctly are less likely than a person who seeks to care for themselves, so they can care for others.
The moment a person starts to take on the course of self-interest — Me, me, me, I, me — as a motivation for their entire being, they drift into cynicism and slowly glide over the lake of narcissism and toward the route of self-destruction.
You have to be careful with it. The line is not so obvious. But it is clear.
Loving yourself isn’t, by itself, me saying won’t bring you fulfilment. But not loving yourself the right way is.
So what is loving yourself right?
Art of service
The ultimate goal of self love is being of service.
Beneath the surface of the profound connection of self-love lies the science of selflessness within it.
Being able to love yourself so much that you can give out that love.
Look around you. Everyone openly claims to love themselves, and a large proportion of that love goes into the subconscious practice of self-hatred, self-harm, seeking instant gratification, self-sabotaging with practices like procrastination, dishonesty, people pleasing, perfectionism, and false care, using oneself for validation and attention, masking and numbing one’s pain and insecurities and doing immoral things.
Most of which are deeply rooted in the echoes of the world’s definition of how we ought to live, and the experiences we have had to witness as we grew up.
Though, while we cannot have it all good, do we really love ourselves?
If you look very closely at several things we may do to treat ourselves badly, they are often things we do out of self-interest.
I have noticed that the time I helped someone else go through what I was also going through, it made it quite easy for me to help myself as well. This is because that sense of responsibility opened up my mind towards actively wanting to be the change I was helping the person aim for.
So, I pour in my cup, so I can pour into another person’s cup.
4 components of self-love
- Self-care
- Self-worth
- Self-compassion
- Self awareness.
Self-care
In caring for yourself, you need to listen to your body, you should try to learn about your own personal needs, finding ways to help yourself filter out the unecessary things, and do them in the best of your abilities (and finance).
This means self-care dives deep into caring for yourself using healthy practices.
You get to understand why you do what you do, your actions, your thoughts, finding and understanding your being, to uncover how best to care for yourself through things that truly define your wellness and self-actualization and being able to work towards caring for yourself in those ways.
It could be eating on time, sleeping good 7–8 hours, reading and broadening your knowledge, visiting your loved ones once in a while, it could be sitting and reflecting on your actions, thoughts, and everyday to day activities, embracing your emotions and trying to heal from the holes of deep trauma and emotional challenges as you go by each day gradually.
Whatever keeps your soul happy even without external stimuli in the long term… you get the idea?
:How do you practice self-care in your daily life?
Self-worth
Here you value, appreciate and respect yourself for who you are, and not for who people want you to be.
You wouldn’t want to do to yourself what others wouldn’t.
In building your self-worth, try to focus on things like not comparing yourself to other people, learning to be confident in being your authentic self, not judging yourself on your mistakes, not being ashamed of who you are, especially when you are trying to work on yourself.
Ultimately, your level of self-worth is proportional to the level of respect you give to yourself by being committed to your word, and that correlates with the level of respect and love you accept from other people.
How you treat yourself, will be the benchmark that you accept treatments from others. You need to know that your self-worth is not dependent on what people see, it is dependent on how you see and take yourself. Who you are, and what you do when no one watches.
:How do you define and measure your self-worth?
Self-compassion
Treating yourself with unconditional kindness and genuine love, where you stay true to yourself, in honesty, without pretence. Accepting the scars, both seen and unseen, that map the chapters of your journey
Compassion is the gentle reminder that, in our humanness, we are deserving of understanding, forgiveness, empathy and kindness. That we can give ourselves that, regardless of what we have done.
It is learning how to genuinely forgive yourself, and show sincere care and kindness to yourself. Letting yourself make mistakes, and being open towards accepting and learning from these mistakes.
It is not being hard on yourself, talking down on yourself or preventing yourself from feeling these emotions.
It is treating yourself like you would to a person who needs help. Accepting that perfection is a mirage, and deep inside our imperfections lies the beauty of ourselves. Permitting yourself to take things one step at a time. Opening up to mistakes and failures in your quest for growth.
:In what ways do you currently show self-compassion, and how could you enhance this practice?
Self-awareness
How do I feel right now?
How am I doing right now?
How do I treat myself and others?
What am I grateful for?
How far have I come?
The dance of self-awareness is like a flower opening up to bloom. It sets us into a deeper and more intimate level with ourselves. Seeing, feeling and being present in our true being and how we are.
Whether you were hurt, you failed a course or you made a mistake, self-awareness makes you in tune with how you feel and forgive yourself for them. You live in the moment and are aware of what you do, think, feel, and say.
It is the awareness of how we treat ourselves, care for ourselves, and love our being that ultimately links to the outward reach of how we seek to care, treat and show love to others, and the kind of love and care we will accept from those around us.
Now, here’s the thing.
Self-love is far from what separates you from reaching your inner self and reaching your potential. It isn’t seen in doing petty things or living off people, through selfish desires and impulse.
You need to genuinely love and care for yourself. It doesn’t even have to be so much. Cleaning/investing in your room/space, eating good food, or even drinking water regularly. The things you do can bring you closer to yourself, even if it is something so simple.
Self-love love isn’t about being tough on yourself. It is knowing that there’s no award for who beats themselves more. It is celebrating your little wins, dropping the need to seek all approvals from people, being realistic with yourself, and doing what is necessary.
Self-love is not gotten from chasing external echoes. It is cultivating a garden that welcomes your inner self back to you, so as to help yourself connect right with other people.
It isn’t entirely doing what makes you happy, but doing what makes you better. Being at peace with yourself.
Loving yourself right takes time, effort, vulnerability, compassion, seeking help where necessary, and consistency.
Thank for taking out time to read. Leave a comment about what resonated with you more, or what you wish to add. I want to hear your story.
And if you want to see more of this, kindly drop a follow. Let us, in togetherness, have this journey towards self-discovery. I’d love to have it with you!
Cheers to embracing the beautiful symphony that is you!
Catch you in the next one
🌺
