I Am Tired of Conspiracy Theorists
If only they had a reset button
It pains me to admit it.
I’ve got close relatives who are conspiracy theorists.
And I mean first class conspiracy theorists. They believe that covid vaccines contain nano-routers and give you 5G. Or that the French President’s wife is actually a closeted gay man named Jean-Michel. Also, they are convinced that Ukrainians are Nazis and Vladimir Putin is a misunderstood paragon of virtue.
Putin is not the only one misunderstood here.
This would be hilarious if it wasn’t so sad.
I’m a coward. I don’t want to fight them. So I talk to them about the weather.
While I wonder what the hell I should do.
I don’t know how it happened in the first place
But I have my suspicions.
I began to realize their condition during the covid crisis. We were in lockdown and they were not big fans of that.
This is when they started trumpeting nonsense. Covid isn’t fatal. Our evil leaders impose masks to control us. After two years the vaccine will kill anyone gullible enough to accept it.
If I were an evil leader, I would make sure that obedient people survive, not the other way around. I’ll consider this career if my Medium articles don’t pay enough.
But my relatives saw no flaw in their logic. Rather, they found any lack of reasoning appealing. They became fanatics of Didier Raoult and his hydroxychloroquine. By chance they didn’t listen to Trump and injected themselves with bleach.
Soon it became impossible to have a sane conversation. They seemed brainwashed.
Thank you, CNews.
CNews is the French counterpart to Fox News. They do not provide real news. They liquefy your brain.
And guess what ? The main shareholder of CNews is a devout Catholic: Vincent Bolloré.
What do you care if this guy is Catholic, you may ask. Nobody is perfect after all.
But Bolloré launched a crusade. He takes control of our media to convey his messages. Those messages are from a devoted Christian, thus they are not about how much we should love each other.
He canceled shows that were not conservative enough. I will always miss Les Guignols de l’Info, that political and societal satire which was far too cheeky to his taste.
Instead, we have alleged journalists spewing unverified claims and preying on people’s fears.
And now my relatives claim that France’s roots are Christian and that we should do whatever it takes to protect our legacy.
I’m afraid of where we are going
I am atheist. I live in a secular country.
Christians can do whatever they want in their church. But I don’t want to be bothered with it.
I don’t think I will ever be a religious person. At best, I might revere chocolate.
Perhaps one day I’ll create a cult of chocolate. I will call it the Church of Chocolatology. You will have to take a bath in liquid chocolate to be baptized. If you sin, you will have to eat a piece of chocolate. Same if you don’t sin.
And white chocolate won’t be tolerated of course. It’s not true chocolate.
Aside from the Church of Chocolatology, no religion, thanks.
I can’t help but associate religions with oppression of minorities and receding of their rights.
Some US states have banned abortions and I am pretty sure religion is not devoid of responsibilities.
This may be a separate case. They don’t need to abort kids in hospitals because they abort them in schools five or ten years later. It’s just pragmatism.
You think it’s insensitive of me to write such a thing? Yes, it is! That’s precisely my point.
Those religious views are not virtuous. They are cruel.
And I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that many French TV channels are now controlled by a zealous man who thinks it’s a brilliant idea to broadcast them. At least he doesn’t control social media.
Just joking. Social media makes it worse. My relatives could have been quarantined in the middle of nowhere, instead they found people like them. And. They. Won’t. Shut Up.
They yell their insanities inside an echo chamber. Better to stay away if you don’t want to suffer from a migraine.
It upsets me. Sometimes I want to tell them to stop with their crazy obsessions. But I won’t.
Because I don’t want to lose our relationship.
I feel helpless
I know that they cannot be reasoned with.
If you disagree with them, then you are a sheep listening to the manipulations of mainstream media. You can’t convince them. You can only create a family conflict.
Many of the conspiracies are funny. For example, the Earth is neither flat or round, but a donut. It explains why you reach the same place after walking for long enough time. The Donut Earth is an improvement of the Flat Earth theory. Perhaps it’s satire, yet I find it awesome and amusing.
But conspiracies are also terrible, as they take your loved ones away from you. There’s nothing you can do.
You’ve known someone for years and suddenly they are not the same.
So I just make sure I still exist for them.
We never talk about their theories. But when they want to share their personal problems, I listen. Or we discuss common subjects such as cooking recipes.
I admit that I call or see them much less often. Sadly, we don’t have much to say to each other now.
They’ll probably never return to their old selves. If they do, that won’t be because of me.
But if they do, I’ll still be there.
They avoid talking about politics or society with me too, so they are on the same page. They must think that they will be there for me if I suddenly decide to worship Trump or accuse LGBT people of pedophilia!
Yet topics of discussion that will not lead to fights are becoming increasingly rare. Conspiracy theorists like to diversify their portfolio. Even saying that it’s hot outside is risky as they look down on everyone who believes in the climate crisis.
Maybe chocolate. You can’t have controversies over chocolate.
Unless they tell me that white chocolate is real chocolate. In that case…
