It Takes Skill to Be a Sick Person
It’s time to upskill my sick-people skills
By sick, I don’t mean the kind of sick where you are morally questionable — no creeps or perverts, please… although you could argue that it takes skill to be that kind of sick. I also don’t mean the sick where you’re just amazing at something. Like, “What a sick dancer!” or “What a sick gamer!” — those require some serious skill — and a bit of luck.
Luck is often the underdog in life’s skillful battles. Not everyone gives luck the credit it deserves, perhaps because luck seems to just be handed down or bestowed upon, while skill requires real effort. I have no qualms admitting when I am lucky, although it’s not very often. Or when I am unskilled, which is always the case. And especially when I am sick.
When I say “sick,” I mean it literally — like being ill or injured. Falling sick is no problem for me by the way. I got that down! It is being sick at which my skills tend to be questionable.
Here’s why.
First, when I am struck by sickness, I do not sit still.
A skilled sick person sits still.
If you think that was a mouthful, try this next one.
Skilled sick persons silently sit still, skillfully staying stationary.
I simply do not have sick people skills. Or wait — is it sick-people skills or sick people-skills? Grammarly is as sick as GPT to fix unintended puns. See, I do have a sick skill for using tongue twisters and jokes that are handy both in sickness and in health.
Second, I am a super-cranky-sick person.
When I am sick, I want people to check in on me and cater to me but to also leave me alone.
Oh, here’s another fun pun one.
What games do sick people play?
Hide and sick!
When I am sick, I am great at the hide but not so good at the sick.
Third, I become overly philosophical. I start wondering about the meaning of life and the meaning of words.
Also, what do people mean when they say “I am not feeling well” vs. when they say “I feel sick”? I find that people can be a bit vague with words. Of course, people’s medical details are their own business. I accept that not everyone believes in oversharing with strangers the way I do.
Fourth, when I get sick, I try to beat it by not following any advice.
I fight and fight. I simply refuse to accept it as my new reality for whatever time it takes to get unsick.
I manage sickness by doing everything I am asked not to. I modify the doctors’ well-intended advice. I never ever take medication the way I am asked to.
Recently, I fractured my ankle. Thirty minutes after my x-ray, the nurse was teaching me to use crutches. I was so eager to demonstrate to her that I have mastered the use of crutches — perhaps over-compensating for my otherwise lack of sickness skills — that I fell backward and had another injury while repairing my first one!
And when I am sick (or this one always applies actually), I selectively hear what I want to hear. My well-meaning powerlifting friends said: “Go easy at the gym. Listen to your body…” I heard only the second part and listened to my body asking me to sweat it out even if on one leg.
When the ortho finally cleared me to go back to the gym, I had him speak into my iPhone so I could record him verbatim. The recording came in handy when my husband challenged my return to the gym as being “too soon” for my own good. I had evidence.
Fifth, when I get sick, I risk getting divorced.
Now I agree that may or may not be a problem for some.
Generally speaking… You know how in every couple, there is a good driver and a bad driver. The good driver is the designated driver who drives everywhere by default and is usually the one who decides that the other cannot (or should not) drive. Similarly, in every couple, there is a skilled sick person and an unskilled one.
When my husband is sick, I turn into a skilled caregiver. And he lets me. But when the roles are reversed and I am sick, my husband’s care-giving instincts must battle against my refusal to act like a sick person. I am too busy warding off my sickness and battling my demons.
Why me? How could I fall sick? What is EVEN the point of life?!
Perhaps there is a deeper issue here: I refuse to be helped. And while that sounds like it should make marriage easier for my partner, it deprives him of a human and fundamental need to be useful.
Perhaps I should finally upskill my sickness skills. Next time I am sick, perhaps I can cope by simply lying in bed at the receiving end of care. I can indulge in homemade soups when my husband decides to put his dormant cooking skills to use and feel useful again.
Oh hey, but why wait till the next time I am sick?
Practice supposedly improves skill, right? Honey, the chore wheel is yours!
