If you are someone who is into horoscope, and knows the typical traits of a Taurus woman, you would know some part of me as person. Independent, emotionally strong, dormant temper, nature lover , organised , committed, keeping close-knit groups, obstinate, artistic…. and the list goes on. These are some of the good characteristics besides some bad ones too.
But all of these characteristics, which I had naturally in me and I was so proud of myself being a typical May born, went out of the window the day I became a mother. At least for a short period of time. There was no schedule of sleeping, eating, showering or doing just the most basic things. It was the most overwhelming thing that had happened to me.
I was never very good at accommodating even the slightest of the changes in my life. My mother is very fond of changing the bedroom ambience every now and then, and she always gave us these little surprises when we were back from school. I pretended to be happy but I had a hard time trying to sleep at night because the direction of my bed had changed. I even disliked the choice of flowers my husband got as surprises, but I felt so guilty of my thoughts that I never expressed. I thought I might appear ungrateful. I understood I never liked surprises. I plan my own trips, I plan my own parties, I planned my entire wedding, I planned the arrival of my baby. I am a planner to the core. I hate surprises , they throw me off.
Just imagine , my condition as a new mother. A colicky baby, sleepless nights, no time for any indulgences, the house was a mess forget about it being organised, the kitchen was the sultanate of the house-help, I myself chose not to trespass, for the sake of my mental health.
Motherhood is the best thing that happened to me. I love being every bit of a mom to my baby, I adore her. But, the fact that it shifted my identity as a human altogether, was daunting. It happened over- night. No warnings. No trigger alerts. I read and planned so much about parenting, I had conversations about childbirth, newborns etc, but when it happened , still I felt someone threw me under the bus. Nothing felt familiar, my body, my identity, everything changed , my flaws and my strengths lay bare infront of me.
Embracing motherhood in early adulthood has its own challenges, as most of us have already developed a personality type , we find hard to change. We might have figured out what we really are and what we need. But then comes motherhood and there is a shift in the identity. It necessitates the shift in identity. It is a kind of coping mechanism every woman goes through. One needs to find a new identity, or maybe a variation of the former one, as it is the only way to get through the crisis. It is said that…..
a woman leaves her body in labour and travels to the stars to collect the souls of their babies and return to this world altogether.
It sums up really well, what it takes to bring life on earth. It took some time for my brain to register that I am somebody’s mother now. I am a mom. The genesis of a maternal identity might be one the most primitive transition a woman ever goes through. The metamorphosis from a pupa, to a butterfly. It sounds poetic, but trust me its far from being one.
Motherhood is a very powerful identity and it encompasses all kinds of emotions from unconditional love, being watchful and protective, helplessness, anxiety, joy, tenderness, excitement, frustration and so much more; it juxtaposes all the emotions and how it makes as a person in whole.
All mothers eventually do overcome the bag of mixed feelings, learn to handle the baggage of responsibility, take charge of their lives, learn and unlearn, recover from the shock and come to terms with the new role in life. I learnt my lessons too. I became more interested in the company of women, caregivers in particular and re-aligned my identity with the mother’s values. It took away some of the things, but it gave me so much more. It gave me a broader perspective towards life, in general. It brought me closer to the non-material aspects of living a quality life and appreciation for small things.
Once I got the grip of this new role, I also realized that how much the maternal identity over-shadowed my other identities in my personal and professional life and how the lines get blurred sometimes. How much is too much to give to this new role ?
Mothering is for life. The baby is mine after all. It is all about balance and acknowledgement of all roles that we play. But the role of a mother is a powerful one, the influence even more. It needs recognition and attention, sometimes even an applause.
Yes, I need to be told that, ‘you’re doing a good job, mama !’
Mothers need to come out of the transition feeling powerful and accomplished. It is no easy task to nurture a life, and a few pats at the back just make it more easier.
I took time to acknowledge the transition , at my pace and in a way that felt absolutely ‘myself’. I did not rush. I did not push my boundaries, took my time to step forward when I felt I was ready. I am glad I could do that. My body, mind and soul are in sync and that is why I love and enjoy being a mother more than anything else. My respect for my parents increased ten folds after I became a parent myself.
I finally crossed the bridge; the bridge made for the identity shift , the bridge that is a very narrow walk, and one must not fall or deter. Now, while I stand on the other side of the bridge, I feel powerful and confident to flap my wings. The beautiful-butterfly wings that I grew after becoming a MOTHER.
