Moving out and restarting at the age of 27.
Life has unpredictable ways of turning you around. Until 2 years ago, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to move away from my toxic household.
The thing with toxicity is that you do not know the extent to which your life is poisonous or harmful until you walk away.
My relationship with my dad has always been a strained one and I knew I wanted to save myself and my mother but I didn’t have the courage in me to walk away.
Initially, when the idea of walking away entered my mind, it seemed too bizarre to be true. I trembled at the very thought of it.
3 months ago when I finally walked away with my mother by my side, my life had taken a 180-degree turn.
We moved out, rented a small place, bought some pieces of furniture, and decided to call it our home.
Amidst all this, I remember spacing out for nearly a month. I couldn’t wrap up the idea of starting my life again at the age of 27. The responsibility of handling myself and taking care of my mother sent chills down my spine.
I didn’t know if I could play the role of a daughter. I didn’t know if I could make her happy because that’s all I wished for her.
Throughout those weeks, I felt clouded by darkness unsure if my life had a purpose even.
None of it made sense and then finally it did.
It was after a month of moving in when everything around me began to shift.
I didn’t have to worry if my mother was alright because each time I’d return home, I’d find her enjoying her favorite TV series. She’d laugh until her face would turn red and surprisingly there was a glow on her face that seemed to have made an appearance.
As days went by, my heart which was constantly revolving around fear decided to settle down in the warmth of my new home.
And before I knew it, my life had found a new purpose.
It’s amazing how life has a way of surprising you.
It’s been over 3 months since I moved away and each time I look back, my heart trembles at the toxicity that existed.
I have slowly come to realize that you are a product of your environment and if by default your environment isn’t the safest to live in, you might want to consider taking some serious decisions.
Throughout my life, I’ve been shedding different layers of myself and I’d like to think that my whole life until now has been leading me to this moment. All the pain and sadness I’ve endured happened so that this day would come so that I could fully appreciate what I’m feeling right now.
And if it wasn’t enough, I’m glad I gave myself another shot at life.
Hey, thanks for reading!
I’ll see you soon :)
